Jokes 2

A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying on an Southwest plane.

The son asked his mother,

'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the air hostess.

So the little lad walks up to the galley and asks the air hostess,
'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The air hostess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

The boy said, "Yes, she did...."

"Well, then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have her explain that to you."
 
The Obama Soup

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:) :) :)
 

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There's a whole series on you tube, it is called "Hitler finds out". The titles are funny.

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Good jokes going on here.....

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"

One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to the person who tells the biggest lie."

"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age, I didn't even know what a lie was."

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

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:D
 
Happy Haloween Everyone!

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER...

FASTER...

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP....

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

clappity-BUMP...

on his heels, as the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

Bumping and clapping toward him.

The man screams and reache s for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

and,

(are you ready for this???!!!)

The coffin stops!

:) :) :)
 
A woman's well-endowed husband dies, and a week before the funeral she is contacted by the funeral parlour.

"I'm afraid we have a slight complication. Your husband died with an erection and his - ahem - penis is far too big for us to be able to get the lid on. We're going to need to remove it, and were wondering if it would be okay to place it at his side in the coffin... "

"I would prefer it if you inserted it into his anus. His children will be saying goodbye to him, and I don't want them to have to see that monstrous thing."

"But madam -"

"It's what he would have wanted," she insisted.

The day of the funeral arrives, and it is an open casket affair. Dressed in black, his wife goes up to the coffin. She notices a tear that has formed in the corner of her dead husband's eye.

" hurts, doesn't it?" she says.
 
These two guys were walking down the street. This other guy comes up to them a pulls a gun. He says "give me all your money."

The two guys start emptying their wallets when one of the guys says to the other "hey, here's that twenty I owe you."
 
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