Jokes 2

My neighbour is in the Guiness Book of World Records, he's had 43 concussions.

He lives very close, in fact just a stones throw away but that's not the point...
 
Most people think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc..

Either way, my kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together. Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.




KidOnCarHood.jpg
 
From IMAO.US:

TIPS FOR SAUDI ARABIANS TRAVELING ABROAD

* If possible, try not to look like the villain from a Disney movie.

* People are often aware there are Jews around them, so there is no reason to point at each one and scream, “Joooooo!”

* No one is impressed by a Fat Albert impression anymore.

* Remember: What might be considered normal conversation back in Saudi Arabia could be taken as the speech of a deranged serial killer abroad.

* The big bowls of water in the restrooms are not for drinking.
More...

Read the rest at:

http://www.imao.us/index.php/2009/10/tips-for-saudis-travelling-abroad/
 
Speaking of tips,

1 part gin, 5 parts water in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

Speaking of tips,
More...

Oh No! Stop! Please! I beg you!

Quote from nutmeg:

1 part gin, 5 parts water in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
More...


Whew, that was a close one.
 
Sweet little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, the old lady asked, "What are you doing there, Nancy?"

"My beautiful little goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

To be polite, the neighbour sounded very sympathetic: "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, dear, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt and snapped back, "That's because he's inside your stupid, ugly cat!"

:) :) :)
 
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