Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
For many, many years, I had always looked for answers.....
and then, one incredible day, I got rid of all the questions.....
and then, one incredible day, I got rid of all the questions.....
Emotional extremes
Several aspiring psychiatrists from across the country were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"
"Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy-up!'"
Several aspiring psychiatrists from across the country were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"
"Sadness," said the student.
And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.
"Elation," said she.
"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"
"Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy-up!'"
Threats Used in Dysfunctional Families:
If you don't stop that this instant, I'll have Grandma perform another striptease for you.
Billy Bob, you finish them chores your sister ain't goin' to the prom with ya!
If you don't eat your peas, I'll make you stay at Nancy Pelosi's house!
As long as you live under this roof, you're going to wear that dress, young man!
You just wait till your father gets paroled!
Stop crying, or Uncle Nutmeg will kick you in the nuts
All right, Little Mister, no more time in the sheep pen for you!
If you don't stop that this instant, I'll have Grandma perform another striptease for you.
Billy Bob, you finish them chores your sister ain't goin' to the prom with ya!
If you don't eat your peas, I'll make you stay at Nancy Pelosi's house!
As long as you live under this roof, you're going to wear that dress, young man!
You just wait till your father gets paroled!
Stop crying, or Uncle Nutmeg will kick you in the nuts
All right, Little Mister, no more time in the sheep pen for you!
A tourist, visiting a small town in Israel, came upon a statue dedicated to "The Unknown Soldier".
At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg".
The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.
The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."
At the base of the statue, a sign was displayed: "Here lies Seymour Ruthenberg".
The tourist inquired of one of the locals how was it possible an unknown had a name.
The resident replied, "As a soldier, that Seymour was pretty much unknown, but as an accountant-Oy! He was something."
A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim.
A large wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top.
She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest.
Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said,"Lady, if you're going to drown those puppies, I'll take the one with the brown nose."
A large wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top.
She came out of the surf with her arms folded across her chest.
Little Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said,"Lady, if you're going to drown those puppies, I'll take the one with the brown nose."
A party of economists was climbing in the Alps .
After several hours they became hopelessly lost.
One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun.
Finally he said, ' OK see that big mountain over there?' 'Yes', answered the others eagerly. 'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.'
After several hours they became hopelessly lost.
One of them studied the map for some time, turning it up and down, sighting on distant landmarks, consulting his compass, and finally the sun.
Finally he said, ' OK see that big mountain over there?' 'Yes', answered the others eagerly. 'Well, according to the map, we're standing on top of it.'