Jokes 2

I once told an actuary to go to the end of the line. He came back five minutes later and said he couldn't because someone else was already there.
 
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At least the moon wasn't named by the Chinese. Just think if the moon was named Moo Goo Gui Pan, who wants to learn about that?
 
The other day I was reading my emails and there was one from my boss, it said;

"Mr. Nutmeg, I regret to inform you that although I thought this company could tolerate your ADD, I'm afraid you're just not productive enough. You may turn up Wednesday to collect your things. I sincerely hope you will be OK."

And I thought to myself, doesnt OK look like a sideways person?
 
I saw one of my friends the other day, he's only got one arm.

I said 'where are you off too?

He said ' I'm going to change a lightbulb!'

I said, 'that'll be hard for someone like you!'

He said 'no, I've still got the fuckin reciept.
 
Couple is always arguing. One day, Bob calls his wife out.

"What would you do if I hit the lottery."

Without even thinking, Marge replies, "take my half, and get the hell out of here."

"Great", Bob says. "I hit a scratch off for $12 bucks. Here's your six."
 
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