Jokes 2

Those Joysey Gals

Three men married wives from different states. The first man married a woman from Alabama. He told her that she was to do the dishes and the house cleaning. It took a couple of days but, on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Virginia. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, the dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from New Jersey. He ordered her to keep the house clean, the dishes washed, the lawn mowed, the laundry washed, and have hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough so that he could fix himself a sandwich, sweep the floor, and load the dishwasher...

:) :) :)
 
Home Alone

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door. It's opened by a little ten year-old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.

Salesman: "Hello son. Is your mom or dad home ?"

Little boy: "What the hell do you think?"

:) :) :)
 
AN ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION


'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.'
 
Swirls of nuts with every lick, marshmellow creme that miraculously gets all over your face, tiny bits of dried up jalepeno, it leaves your ass with a stinging sensation.


I'm waiting for Tuna flavored.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

Swirls of nuts with every lick, marshmellow creme that miraculously gets all over your face, tiny bits of dried up jalepeno, it leaves your ass with a stinging sensation.


I'm waiting for Tuna flavored.
More...
I knew it! I just knew it.

I was going to end that bit with "Nutmeg?". But then I figured why bother. It's like waving a pork chop in front of a dog. You know he's gonna bark. Too funny.
 
A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter:

"My love," he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted?"

So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying: "Why don't you learn to play this?"

Eventually, his tour of duty came to an end, and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling," he said: "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!"

She kissed him and said: "First let's see you play that harmonica."
 
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