Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Stimulus plans
In a small town in the United States, the place looks almost totally deserted. It is a tough time, everybody is in debt and everybody lives on credit.
Suddenly a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the town's only hotel, lays a 100 dollar bill on the reception counter as a deposit and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel and pays off her debt with the 100 dollar bill to the hotel proprietor for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 dollar bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment the tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms and takes back his 100 dollar bill, saying that he did not like any of the rooms and leaves town.
No one earned anything.......... however the whole town is now without debt and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government and the State of California are doing business today.
In a small town in the United States, the place looks almost totally deserted. It is a tough time, everybody is in debt and everybody lives on credit.
Suddenly a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the town's only hotel, lays a 100 dollar bill on the reception counter as a deposit and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel and pays off her debt with the 100 dollar bill to the hotel proprietor for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 dollar bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment the tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms and takes back his 100 dollar bill, saying that he did not like any of the rooms and leaves town.
No one earned anything.......... however the whole town is now without debt and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government and the State of California are doing business today.
Quote from Yannis:
A Good Car Lasts Forever
Not really funny but very interesting - enjoy!
http://growingbolder.com/media/technology/vehicles/romancing-the-road-259598.html&n
So, why are they all bad-mouthing the American car manufacturing industry?
That was incredible. Anyone who was too busy to click the link before really should take the time to watch this sweet lady and her sweet auto.
A Wall Street Wizard was interviewed on the TV and bragged that despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex 3 times a night. A Californian Flower Power Lady, who was also a guest, looked intrigued.
After the show, she says, "Dude, if I'm not bein' too forward, I'd love to have sex with yer. Lets go back to my house, we could have a lotta fun".
So they went back to her place and got comfortable. After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together.
Afterwards, the Wall Street Wizard says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma willie in your right hand".
She looks a bit perplexed, but says "Okay".
He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before.
Then Wiz says, "Lady that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. You'll have to........"
"I know Dude. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun". She complies with the routine.
The results this time are absolutely mind blowing. Once it's all over, they have a drink, The Wiz lights a cigarette and she asks, "Dude, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?"
The Wiz replies, "No, not at all Lady, but the last time I slept with a Californian, the bitch stole ma wallet !"
After the show, she says, "Dude, if I'm not bein' too forward, I'd love to have sex with yer. Lets go back to my house, we could have a lotta fun".
So they went back to her place and got comfortable. After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together.
Afterwards, the Wall Street Wizard says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma willie in your right hand".
She looks a bit perplexed, but says "Okay".
He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before.
Then Wiz says, "Lady that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. You'll have to........"
"I know Dude. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun". She complies with the routine.
The results this time are absolutely mind blowing. Once it's all over, they have a drink, The Wiz lights a cigarette and she asks, "Dude, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?"
The Wiz replies, "No, not at all Lady, but the last time I slept with a Californian, the bitch stole ma wallet !"
Substitute Tooth Fairy
My wife was leaving for a two-day conference, and my six-year-old daughter, Rebecca, was becoming overly clinging and teary. I was mystified at her unusually emotional reaction to such a common event, until she leaned over and whispered, "Daddy, I have a loose tooth. If it falls out while Mommy is gone, do you know how to handle this tooth-fairy-thing?"
My wife was leaving for a two-day conference, and my six-year-old daughter, Rebecca, was becoming overly clinging and teary. I was mystified at her unusually emotional reaction to such a common event, until she leaned over and whispered, "Daddy, I have a loose tooth. If it falls out while Mommy is gone, do you know how to handle this tooth-fairy-thing?"
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various canes, walkers, and wheelchairs.
One day, I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
One day, I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"