Jokes 2

I was late for one of my lectures at university the other day. Upon walking in, the lecturer stopped and stared at me and said disdainfully, 'Come on then, go and sit with your friends'.

So I went back home.
 
I would do anything for her. Swim the deepest river, cross the wildest desert, climb the highest mountain.

Now she's leaving me because I'm never at home.
 
My boss called me at 7 this morning. He said, "I'm gonna need you all day today."

I said, "Yeah, you probably will - I'm not coming in."
 
Dear Nutmeg,

God bless you for the donation of the beautiful radio. I am 84 years old and live at an Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio. Before I received this one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day, her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of little pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you.


Sincerely,

Agnes
 
Quote from nutmeg:

Dear Nutmeg,

God bless you for the donation of the beautiful radio. I am 84 years old and live at an Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio. Before I received this one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping.

The other day, her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of little pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I said fuck you.


Sincerely,

Agnes
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That is so mean, but crack me up Nutmeg!
 
I bought metal detector , I turned it on and it went 'bleep bleep',

I stopped digging after 4 feet when I realized I was wearing steel toed boots.
 
I thought I saw a kangaroo in my garden this morning , I called my wife to window, she said it was the neighbors great Dane taking a shit.
 
Best joke going, I can't tell you. I have no idea how to explain it.



Mother wears a tin foil hat most days and offers plenty of advice, for example today she called and left a message and said to go to the nearest pay phone, call my answering machine and retrieve the message. "It is safer this way".

Mother in law has alzheimers, slurs her words, and mostly it is a case of dis connect the dots of thoughts.

Imagine coming home to a full answering machine and one right after another, first ma the m in law, then ma, then m in law. Yikes.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

I thought I saw a kangaroo in my garden this morning , I called my wife to window, she said it was the neighbors great Dane taking a shit.
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That's a good one!:D :D :D
 
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