From IMAO.US:
WASHINGTON (AP) - Just in time for the documentâs 233rd anniversary, President Barack Obama has issued an executive order apologizing to Great Britain for Americaâs Declaration of Independence in 1776.
Independence? Dumbest idea EVER!
âItâs time to move away from the failed policies of the past,â said Obama during a Rose Garden press conference, âand the first step is apologizing for the original sin of this nation against the sensibilities of the international community.â
âThe Declaration of Independence from the wise and benevolent guiding hand of Great Britain was, in the eyes of some, an important step,â said Obama. âBut the manner in which it was handled was an affront to acceptable diplomatic norms. This crude and disparaging document heaped numerous, undeserved insults on the divine ruler of our compassionate and nurturing motherland. It used such crass and dispicable terms as âtyrantâ and âdespotâ to describe the gracious tolerance of King George the Third to the aspersions and indignities heaped upon him by a cabal of ungrateful rebels.â
âTherefore,â declared Obama, âwe, the people of the United States of America, do formally apologize and ask for the forgiveness of the descendants and heirs of Great Britainâs people and monarchy.â
Reaction to the apology was mixed.
Vice President Joe Biden said the apology was âa good start,â but noted that if we really wanted to make amends for 233 years of disloyalty, America would have to âshow our sincerity with deeds, not wordsâ.
âIf we really want to make up with Great Britain,â said Biden, âwe need to become more like them. We should adopt their health care system. And their ban on guns. And their ban on knives. Man, I hate knives⦠I cut myself on one last time I was in my secret undisclosed location under the old U.S. Naval Observatory⦠hey, this is off the record, right?â
Queen Elizabeth the Second said that she would âconsiderâ accepting the apology if Obama would âtake back this stupid iPod and send me a Kindle 2.â