Jokes 2

Quote from nutmeg:

Dear Employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).


Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.

Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Management,
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hahaha a clever joke forsooth
 
Birthdays from Wikipedia

Albert A. Gore, Jr. (31 March 1948)
Hillary Rodham (26 October 1947)
John F. Kerry (11 Dec 1943)
William J. Clinton (19 Aug 1946)
Howard Dean (17 Nov 1948)
Nancy Pelosi (26 Mar 1940)
Dianne Feinstein (22 Jun 1943)
Charles E. Schumer (23 Nov 1950)
Barbara Boxer (11 Nov 1940)

Quote from Lucrum:

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947, a little over 60 years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell , New Mexico ..

This is a well known incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. . Air Force and other federal agencies and Organizations

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April 1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?

No wonder they support the bill to help illegal aliens!
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Little Johnny is in the bath with his Dad when he says, "Daddy, why is my willy different from yours?"

His Dad replies, "Well, for a start, son, yours isn't erect."
 
I hate it when the clocks go forward an hour- it means for a week afterwards I get my usual morning erection when I'm on the bus to work.
 
Change of tune in the Everglades ?

It used to be - if the gators dont get you the scitters will

to

If the Maydoffs dont get you the IRS will
 
Quote from MGJ:

Birthdays from Wikipedia

Albert A. Gore, Jr. (31 March 1948)
Hillary Rodham (26 October 1947)
John F. Kerry (11 Dec 1943)
William J. Clinton (19 Aug 1946)
Howard Dean (17 Nov 1948)
Nancy Pelosi (26 Mar 1940)
Dianne Feinstein (22 Jun 1943)
Charles E. Schumer (23 Nov 1950)
Barbara Boxer (11 Nov 1940)
More...


I don't get the joke. What's funny about their birthdays?
 
Good Move

After a few laughs, some wild dansing and many drinks at the bar, Chuck, Bob and Joe asked their hot new acquaintance, Tina, if they could see her home...

So she showed them a picture of it.

:) :) :)
 
Quote from flytiger:

I think this is a misprint. It should have read "hard attack". All I got when I did it was a stiff neck, And I had to pay $4300.

Man, 28, Dies After 'Guzzling' Viagra During 12-Hour Romp

Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Russian man died after guzzling a bottle of Viagra to keep him going for a 12-hour orgy with two female pals.

The women had bet mechanic Sergey Tuganov $4,300 that he wouldn’t be able to follow through with the half-day sex marathon.

But minutes after winning the bet, the 28-year-old died of a heart attack, Moscow police said.

“We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do,” said one of the female participants who identified herself only as Alina.
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It took the coroner over 15 hours to get the smile off his face.
 
Quote from Smart Money:

It took the coroner over 15 hours to get the smile off his face.
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And a scapel was required before he could pull the pants up on the corpse. :)
 
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