Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid and his fishing pole walking down the dirt road. "Where you goin' with that pole?" he calls. "Gonna git me some fish with this here fishing pole!" answers the kid. Sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with a bucket of fish.
Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some duct tape. "Where you goin' with that?" he calls. "Gonna git me some ducks with this here tape!" answers the kid. "You can't git no ducks with tape!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the tape strung out behind him and ducks stuck all over it!
Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some chicken wire. "Where you going with that?" he calls. "Gonna get me some chickens with this wire!" answers the kid. "You can't get no chickens with wire!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the wire strung out behind him and chickens stuck all through it!
Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some pussy willows. "Now hold on just a minute" calls the old man, "while I get my hat!!"
Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some duct tape. "Where you goin' with that?" he calls. "Gonna git me some ducks with this here tape!" answers the kid. "You can't git no ducks with tape!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the tape strung out behind him and ducks stuck all over it!
Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some chicken wire. "Where you going with that?" he calls. "Gonna get me some chickens with this wire!" answers the kid. "You can't get no chickens with wire!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the wire strung out behind him and chickens stuck all through it!
Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some pussy willows. "Now hold on just a minute" calls the old man, "while I get my hat!!"
The Talking Gong
Three friends, Jim, Joe and Jack, return to Joe's apartment for a nightcap late one night after visiting many clubs and imbibing more than their share of alcohol that evening. On the wall behind the couch was a ginormous, great big gong.
"What's that, Joe", asks Jack.
"That's my talking gong," says Joe, "it tells the time, but only at night."
"That doesn't make sense," pipes in Jim, "how does it work?"
"Let me show you," says Joe, and struggles to his feet, grabs a heavy hammer from the end table and strikes the gong as hard as he can.
"SHUT UP YOU ##$$@@ MORON!" screams the neighbor from the other side of the wall. "IT'S %%^^$$ 3:10 IN THE @@##$$ MORNING!!!"
Three friends, Jim, Joe and Jack, return to Joe's apartment for a nightcap late one night after visiting many clubs and imbibing more than their share of alcohol that evening. On the wall behind the couch was a ginormous, great big gong.
"What's that, Joe", asks Jack.
"That's my talking gong," says Joe, "it tells the time, but only at night."
"That doesn't make sense," pipes in Jim, "how does it work?"
"Let me show you," says Joe, and struggles to his feet, grabs a heavy hammer from the end table and strikes the gong as hard as he can.
"SHUT UP YOU ##$$@@ MORON!" screams the neighbor from the other side of the wall. "IT'S %%^^$$ 3:10 IN THE @@##$$ MORNING!!!"
Bumper Sticker
<img src=http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=2174012>
<img src=http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=2174012>
Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one to give to someone else.
Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you the milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both and sells you the milk.
Nazism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one and pours the milk down the drain.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Anarchy: You steal neighbour's bull, and shoot the government.
Communism: You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you the milk.
Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both and sells you the milk.
Nazism: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one and pours the milk down the drain.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Anarchy: You steal neighbour's bull, and shoot the government.
