Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
Remember the book, "101 Things to Do With a Dead Cat." ?
This is the prolog:
http://www.dnaco.net/~vogelke/pictures/water-leak/
This is the prolog:
http://www.dnaco.net/~vogelke/pictures/water-leak/
So there was this little kid, he was poking around in the garage and found a welders helmet. He put on the helmet and walked around all day wearing this helmet.
He was playing in the street and an old man pulled up along side him and said: "Do you know what a BJ is?"
The kid says "No".
So the old man says " Do you know what a hand job is?"
The kid says "No."
The old man says, "Do you know what a pedophile is?"
And the kids says " Look. I'm not really a welder, okay?"
He was playing in the street and an old man pulled up along side him and said: "Do you know what a BJ is?"
The kid says "No".
So the old man says " Do you know what a hand job is?"
The kid says "No."
The old man says, "Do you know what a pedophile is?"
And the kids says " Look. I'm not really a welder, okay?"
Time now for our Sunday joke.
An old dollar bill and an even older $100 bill arrive at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
"I've had a pretty good life," the $100 says. "I've been to Vegas, the finest restaurants in New York, and even on a Caribbean cruise."
"You did have an exciting life!" the dollar says.
"Where have you been?" the $100 asks.
"Oh, I've been to the Methodist church, the Baptist church, spent some time with the Lutherans..."
"Wait," the $100 interrupts. "What's a church?"
An old dollar bill and an even older $100 bill arrive at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired.
"I've had a pretty good life," the $100 says. "I've been to Vegas, the finest restaurants in New York, and even on a Caribbean cruise."
"You did have an exciting life!" the dollar says.
"Where have you been?" the $100 asks.
"Oh, I've been to the Methodist church, the Baptist church, spent some time with the Lutherans..."
"Wait," the $100 interrupts. "What's a church?"
M
mattmecham
What's the most common name among polygamist women?
Sharon Peters
Sharon Peters
Coyote Problem:
The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers had a "more humane" solution. What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the population would be controlled. This was ACTUALLY proposed to the Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's Association by the SierraClub and the U.S. Forest Service. Club. All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for minutes.
Finally, an old boy in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you understand our problem. Those coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep -they're eatin' 'em!" .. You should have been there to hear the roar of laughter.
The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predators, the tree-huggers had a "more humane" solution. What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males would then be castrated and let loose again. Therefore the population would be controlled. This was ACTUALLY proposed to the Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's Association by the SierraClub and the U.S. Forest Service. Club. All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for minutes.
Finally, an old boy in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, "Son, I don't think you understand our problem. Those coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep -they're eatin' 'em!" .. You should have been there to hear the roar of laughter.
Arizona State Trooper
The state trooper walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window and 'WHACK!,' the cop smacks him in the head with his nightstick.
'What the hell was that for?' the driver asks.
'You're in Arizona , son,' the trooper answers. 'When we pull you over in Arizona , you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car.
'I'm sorry, officer!' the driver says, "I'm from California and don't know your laws here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean and gives the guy his license back.
The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls down the window and 'WHACK!,' the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
'What'd you do that for?' the passenger demands.
'Just making your wish come true,' replied the trooper.
'Making WHAT wish come true?' the passenger asks.
'Because, I know you California people,' the trooper says... 'Two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!'
The state trooper walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window and 'WHACK!,' the cop smacks him in the head with his nightstick.
'What the hell was that for?' the driver asks.
'You're in Arizona , son,' the trooper answers. 'When we pull you over in Arizona , you better have your license ready by the time we get to your car.
'I'm sorry, officer!' the driver says, "I'm from California and don't know your laws here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license--he's clean and gives the guy his license back.
The trooper then walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.
The passenger rolls down the window and 'WHACK!,' the trooper smacks him on the head with the nightstick.
'What'd you do that for?' the passenger demands.
'Just making your wish come true,' replied the trooper.
'Making WHAT wish come true?' the passenger asks.
'Because, I know you California people,' the trooper says... 'Two miles down the road you're gonna turn to your buddy and say, I wish that asshole would've tried that shit with me!'
New Wine for Seniors
California vintners, in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid
grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as...
"PINO MORE"
California vintners, in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid
grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as...
"PINO MORE"