Jokes 2

Apparently the US military has spent millions constructing a typical Arab village in the Arizona desert near Las Vegas. For realism they have hired actors ( unemployed ) to act the part of Arabs dressed in authentic clothing, Muslim call to prayers etc. etc.
Can't say Hollywood isn't doing its bit I suppose ! After a day's heavy fighting its off to Vegas for beer and medals, I guess ?
 
Quote from nutmeg:

There was this homeless guy on 5th ave, he had a little mangy dog, had a blanket set up and a cup. My daughter wanted to stop and visit with the dog.

This well dressed woman walked up to the homeless guy and said "I guess I'll be seeing alot more of you, I just got fired."
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I remember reading about this successful lawyer who would change, cover his face and go out begging on the streets during his lunch hour... strange hoby!

:) :) :)
 
Retirement plans compared...

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left.

If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left.

But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advise is to drink heavily and recycle.

This is called the 401-Keg Plan.
 
Quote from Yannis:

I remember reading about this successful lawyer who would change, cover his face and go out begging on the streets during his lunch hour... strange hoby!

:) :) :)
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1) Feigning mental illness to escape criminal prosecution. Never hurts to have a back up plan.

2) His mom wanted him to be a lawyer but he wanted to go to Viet Nam.

3) He does his begging "Pro Bono"
 
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The Faithful Lawyer

This lawyer was famous for taking rich individuals and corporations to the cleaners via persistent but cleverly designed lawsuits. The latest one involved his falling down in front of some fancy corporate headquarters and suing them for causing his whole body paralysis. The jury was impressed by his shenanigans and believed his outlandish story, awarding him a hefty $100 million!

After the trial, the CEO of the defendant corporation approached him, right in the courtroom where he was in a whole body cast: "This is it, we've had it with you, you're a two bit liar, that's all, and a thief. From now on, I'm assigning a team of PIs to monitor your every move 24*7*365 and if you twitch even your little finger, now or ten years from now, we'll sue you and put you in jail where you belong for the rest of your miserable life!"

"OK, folks," the lawyer smiled, "I understand. Let me help you, though, so that you don't spend any more of your shareholders' money unnecessarily: my staff are taking me to the airport, right now, where there's a chartered jet to fly me to Rome, where I'll be driven to the Vatican for a special meeting with the Pope to get his healing blessing. If you guys come along, you can see the whole thing with your own eyes. I have a feeling that there's going to be a tremendous miracle... I'll be cured!"


:) :) :)
 
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