Jokes 2

Quote from nutmeg:

Thanks fly. I gathered the family around to listen, it was a "Hallmark" moment, naw.. It was a Norman Rockwell scene. All of us gathered around the laptop laughing and singing.
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Unwritten rule. If I email or post, don't open around anyone that isn't perverted.

Tell me the truth. You sang along, didn't you? Because I sure did.
 
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I'd be willing to bet he has a velvet Elvis hanging on the wall.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

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I'd be willing to bet he has a velvet Elvis hanging on the wall.
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The one where, when you come from the West, it's Elvis. When you come from the East it's Jesus.
 
A girl walks into a tattoo shoppe and asks for a tattoo of Elvis on the inside of her left thigh. The artist said, “Elvis is my specialty, c-mon in and have a seat!!”

As he finishes, she takes a look and says, “THAT DOES NOT LOOK LIKE ELVIS!”
He replies, “That is the best Elvis I have ever done.”
She disagrees. So he offers to do a mirror image on the other leg — so he gives her one on the inside of the other leg, perfect mirror image.
She says, “That looks better, but it don’t look like Elvis either.”

So he tells her to go out on the street, and if she finds ONE person that does not think the tattoos look like Elvis, then it’s on the house!!!!! Well…the first person she finds is an old wino. She pulls up her skirt and says, “Who do you think this is?”

He squints & stammers, “I don’t know who the twins are, but the one in the middle looks just like Ben Bernanke.”
 
Q: Why does the American Bra Association prohibit lawyers from having sex with clients?



A: To stop clients from being charged twice for basically the same service.
 
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