Jokes 2

Quote from nutmeg:

Last time I rode a bike I almost knocked down an old lady. She was a bit shaken up and said, 'Don't you know how to ride a bike?'

'Yea,' 'but I don't know how to ring the bell yet'

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You need to put on some weight. I've seen better legs on tables.

Have a sandwich, man.
 
There was this guy, came over on the boat from Italy. The only thing he could say in English was "Apple Pie and Coffee". This is all he ate for weeks and weeks, morning noon and night. (He had no kitchen and no friends, much like myself).

Finally one day he runs into a guy from the old country who speaks Italian. He says "yo Guido, discussioni nei forum nel cui titolo è presente la parola 'loser'"

Naw he really didn't say that. But what he did say was, "I'm tired of eating apple pie and coffee, can you teach me to say something else to eat in English?"

So Guido teaches Vito to say "Hamma sandwich"

Armed with this new information, Vito heads over to the diner and orders a "Hamma sandwich and coffee" The waitress asks "wheat or rye?"

To which Vito replied "Apple pie and coffee".
 
Quote from nutmeg:

There was this guy, came over on the boat from Italy. The only thing he could say in English was "Apple Pie and Coffee". This is all he ate for weeks and weeks, morning noon and night. (He had no kitchen and no friends, much like myself).

Finally one day he runs into a guy from the old country who speaks Italian. He says "yo Guido, discussioni nei forum nel cui titolo è presente la parola 'loser'"

Naw he really didn't say that. But what he did say was, "I'm tired of eating apple pie and coffee, can you teach me to say something else to eat in English?"

So Guido teaches Vito to say "Hamma sandwich"

Armed with this new information, Vito heads over to the diner and orders a "Hamma sandwich and coffee" The waitress asks "wheat or rye?"

To which Vito replied "Apple pie and coffee".
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This is like living in South Florida. I only speak English. I'll be goddamned if I can get anything to eat. I clip color pictures from magazines, and point to them.
 
Quote from flytiger:

This is like living in South Florida. I only speak English. I'll be goddamned if I can get anything to eat. I clip color pictures from magazines, and point to them.
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I remember years ago in one of those "served" buffet restaurants - I followed a well dressed customer and asked for the same stuff, no problemo :)
 
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Testimonial.

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Quote from Yannis:

I remember years ago in one of those "served" buffet restaurants - I followed a well dressed customer and asked for the same stuff, no problemo :)
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I had these two bag ladies come in. I asked "What'll it be ladies?"

One said, "I'll have apple pie and coffee".

I turned to the other and said "pour vous?"

She said, "Oh I'll have the same thing, except I would like the lemon pie and could I have tea instead of the coffee"

oh yoi yoi.
 
I was upstairs in my bedroom near the window when I was about 10 or so and I got an erection and people on our block called 911 to report an eclipse. The whole block went "dark".

Now I know better and use my erections to generate electricity and sell it to National Grid.

Anyone need any carbon credits?
 
Quote from nutmeg:

I was upstairs in my bedroom near the window when I was about 10 or so and I got an erection and people on our block called 911 to report an eclipse. The whole block went "dark".

Now I know better and use my erections to generate electricity and sell it to National Grid.

Anyone need any carbon credits?
More...

Wake up!!!! Wake up!!!!! You're dreaming again!!!!!

Trust me. You can enjoy sex just as well as someone like me who has a really big dick. It's ok.

Why, my Dick is so big, Google has photographed it, and featured it in a Street Map.
 
Smart Class

Teacher: Class, who can go to the board and show us North America on the map ?
George: Yes, ma'am.
Teacher: Okay George.
George: Here is North America.
Teacher: Class, who discovered North America?
Class: GEORGE!

:) :) :)
 
my friend brought home a real live goat last weekend ...

his wife came out and was looking at the goat, when the man said ... "i want you to look at this pig"

the wife spoke up and said, "that ain't no pig, it's a goat."

to which the man replied, i wasn't talking to you, i was talking to the goat
 
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