Jokes 2

[A lawyer explaining his fees to his client] “If you want justice, it’s two hundred dollars an hour. Obstruction of justice runs a bit more.”


Q: Why are lawyers buried twenty-five feet under ground?

A: Cause deep down they’re really nice guys.



A businessman was involved in a lawsuit that dragged on for years. One afternoon he told his attorney, “Frankly, I’m getting tired of all this litigation.” The lawyer replied, “Nonsense. I propose to fight this case down to your last nickel.

What do you call an attorney who describes himself as a criminal lawyer? Self-aware.

------------------------

There is an old story of a lawyer named Strange and his wife having a conference as to the things he wished done after he had departed this life.

“I want a headstone put over me, my dear,” said the lawyer, “with the simple inscription—‘Here lies an honest lawyer.’”


The wife expressed surprise that he did not wish his name put on the headstone. “It will not be needful,” he responded, “for those who pass by and read that inscription will invariably remark: ‘That’s Strange.’”
 
A Rabbi, A Hindu and a Lawyer

A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed.

The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming, "I can't sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!"

The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying, "There's a COW in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against my religion!"The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he'd go to the barn, as he had no problem sleeping with animals.

In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the cow entered...
 
The Poker Game

A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the police raided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officer said, "Father Murphy, were you gambling?"

Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered, "Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do." To the police officer, he then said, "No, officer; I was not gambling."

The officer then asked the minister, "Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?"Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replied, "No, officer; I was not gambling."

Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asked, "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?"

Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replied, "With whom?"
 
True Story

AP: "A man, wanting to rob a downtown NYC Bank of America, walked into the 42nd Street Branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.

He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America."

:) :) :)
 
From the files of Dr Stunata;

O J Simpson stopped by today, complaining about "having trouble sleeping".

I told him "Why don't you try stabbing sheep?"


Ahhahhaaaaaa aahaaaaaaaa


This joke may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning/joke backwards.
 
Quote from Optionpro007:

ha ha ha....best joke ever...
More...

I had put a joke on there, but then found the same joke a few (dozen) pages back. No need for redundancy.

Glad you enjoyed it!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top