Jokes 2

I played a game of blow-football with my nephew yesterday.

Sadly he had an asthma attack half way through.

Still... 10-0!

(Get your head out of the gutter, blow football should not be confused with oral football- different game)
 
A Simple Misunderstanding

One day a guy is walking down the street when he sees an old man with a nice looking dog. He goes over to the man and asks: 'does your dog bite?'

The old man replies 'No never'.

When the guy bends down to stroke the dog, it immediately growls and takes a vicious snap at his hand. The guy screams with pain, wraps his bleeding hand in a handkerchief and whimpers 'I thought you said your dog did not bite!

'I did' replies the old man, but this isn't my dog!!!'

:) :) :)
 
Dear Nutmeg

We are having a Luau and it's my turn to cooked the pig. The question I have is this;

Should the head or the ass face Mecca?

signed---

Nomosquesinourtown

Dear Nomo

How in the fuck would I know? Last time it was my turn to bring a pig to the Luau, I brought my cousin Joannie.
 
My entries are pretty good. It's my exit plan that needs work. Currently my exit plan is: "I'm sick of this shit" And, this exit plan works both ways, either a profit or a loss. I think I may have other problems.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

My entries are pretty good. It's my exit plan that needs work. Currently my exit plan is: "I'm sick of this shit" And, this exit plan works both ways, either a profit or a loss. I think I may have other problems.
More...

Gees Nutmeg, I remember when you went through your "parathesis" phase. Every other post you had to put some thought in parathesis. Now what? I think you are going through a "semi-colon" phase. I noticed many of your posts contain: semi-colons.

You fool. Parathesis is a plant. It's parenthesis.
 
I went on a blind date. She was so ugly. "How ugly was she?"

She was so ugly she gave me her dog.

(do you get it? Is this even funny? Help me out here)
 
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Blow me for ten yards" replied the smirking male clerk.

"Okay, then," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to the 75-year old hunch-backed old man standing behind her. "Grandpa's paying for it!"
 
Two owls are playing in the final of the Owl Pool Championship.

It comes down to the eight ball. One of the owls is just about to play his shot, when his wing accidentally touches a ball. “That's two hits,” says the other owl.

“Two hits to who?” says the first.
 
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