Jokes 2

The scene: a tropical island, no breeze to ruffle the palm trees. The blue sky is cloudless. Nothing stirs. All is quiet. Two hippos bask in a lagoon. One hippo murmurs to the other: "I don't know why, but I keep thinking today´s Thursday."
 
We call our grandpa "Spiderman".

He hasn't got any super powers - but you outta see him try to get out of the bathtub.

cripple old fuck.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

"How long will dinner be?"

"Four inches. It's a sausage".
More...

First time there was ever four inches at your house, mild or spicy.

Now, my sausage is so big, it has it's own zipcode. It's never
ever been in a bun -stands on its own. If I don't really know who I'm having breakfast with, I do coat it with condoments.
. Jimmy Dean wanted to use it as a mascot - I said no. Too shy. And my sausage isn't just for breakfast.

I may not know what goes into my sausage, but I know what my sausage goes into.
 
NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.

Post Script:

Bank of America gave him three houses and a second tranche portfolio of subprime anyway.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

I'm saving my vote for when we get a presidential candidate who was born on July 3 or December 26 th, this way if they made it a holiday we'd get an extra day off.
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Great. Now politicians will lie about their birthdays. And how many they have every year.
 
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