Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
This on e should take the joke thread to a whole new level:
http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/showthread.php?s=&postid=1781804#post1781804
JIM CRAMER IS SUCH A LAME STOCK PICKER:
He couldn't pick his ass with both hands........
He was right once, and then the market opened.
You could say he is warm , compassionate, considerate.......You could say it, but it wouldn't make it true.
He's always bullish, and his viewers are brokish.
He's carried on a love affair for years - unassisted
Be careful when you speak of him. You talking about the man he loves.
The profits of his Charitable Trust couldn't cure ham.
He's the only guy I know who's written four books w/o reading one.
His performance makes the random walk theory look like Quantitative Analysis
he's changed positions more times than a hooker at the Church picnic
On Fast Money, you got your Bulls, you got your Bears, and you got Crames picks, - Dogs.
Bulls make money, Bears make money, but Dogs eat turds. Remember that.
One of his friends is at Joliet. He merged the Prison Library with the laundry for 5 cartons of Luckys.
For his image, he was going to start a telethon for a disease, but all the good ones were taken.
And finally, Cramer is so cold, Billy Mays has the six and 11 spot on CNBC to sell miracle cleaners.
http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/showthread.php?s=&postid=1781804#post1781804
JIM CRAMER IS SUCH A LAME STOCK PICKER:
He couldn't pick his ass with both hands........
He was right once, and then the market opened.
You could say he is warm , compassionate, considerate.......You could say it, but it wouldn't make it true.
He's always bullish, and his viewers are brokish.
He's carried on a love affair for years - unassisted
Be careful when you speak of him. You talking about the man he loves.
The profits of his Charitable Trust couldn't cure ham.
He's the only guy I know who's written four books w/o reading one.
His performance makes the random walk theory look like Quantitative Analysis
he's changed positions more times than a hooker at the Church picnic
On Fast Money, you got your Bulls, you got your Bears, and you got Crames picks, - Dogs.
Bulls make money, Bears make money, but Dogs eat turds. Remember that.
One of his friends is at Joliet. He merged the Prison Library with the laundry for 5 cartons of Luckys.
For his image, he was going to start a telethon for a disease, but all the good ones were taken.
And finally, Cramer is so cold, Billy Mays has the six and 11 spot on CNBC to sell miracle cleaners.
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground.
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.
Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
I went to this dopey marriage seminar dealing with communications. My wife and I are listening to the instructor, "It is essential that
husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." Blah blah blah.
The "instructor" says to me "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
I leaned over, touched my wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?
husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." Blah blah blah.
The "instructor" says to me "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"
I leaned over, touched my wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, isn't it?
Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree that provided them their only food. Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming.
One day the lawyer yelled down from the tree, 'WOW, I just can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating in our direction.'
The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, 'You're hallucinating; you've finally lost your mind.'
But within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a stunning red head, face up, totally naked, unconscious, without even so much as a ring or earrings on her person.
The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing.
One said to the other, 'You know, we've been on this God forsaken island for months now without a woman. It's been such a long, long time.....So... do you think we should well... you know... screw her?'
'Out of WHAT?!?' asked the other....
One day the lawyer yelled down from the tree, 'WOW, I just can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating in our direction.'
The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, 'You're hallucinating; you've finally lost your mind.'
But within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a stunning red head, face up, totally naked, unconscious, without even so much as a ring or earrings on her person.
The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing.
One said to the other, 'You know, we've been on this God forsaken island for months now without a woman. It's been such a long, long time.....So... do you think we should well... you know... screw her?'
'Out of WHAT?!?' asked the other....