Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
i'm a drunk, marijuana smoking, womanizing, necrophiliac with the inability to complete a sentence. Way I see it, I'm a shoe-in.
ok. ok. so Bush isn't a womanizer...
"You know, when you give a man more money in his pocket -- in this case, a woman more money in her pocket to expand a business, it -- they build new buildings. And when somebody builds a new building somebody has got to come and build the building. And when the building expanded it prevented additional opportunities for people to work." --George W. Bush, Lancaster, Pa., Oct. 3, 2007
Many more--->
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/blbushisms.htm
That's the making of a nice case of DIARRHEA...
I have an African bank account. They tell me it is full of gold and worth $40,000,000. I have to pay $5,000 in order to transfer the account to my name. I think it's because the owner's name is too hard to pronounce.
Nutmeg - can I borrow $5,000?
Of course, that same silly website has other "smart" quotes too - and they all look made up in the back room - like:
The 10 Stupidest Things Hillary Clinton Has Ever Said:
10. "I have to confess that it's crossed my mind that you could not be a Republican and a Christian."
9. "God bless the America we are trying to create."
8. "We have a lot of kids who don't know what works means. They think work is a four-letter word."
7. âHe ran a gas station down in St. Louis... No, Mahatma Gandhi was a great leader of the 20th century.â âintroducing a quote by Mahatma Gandhi
6. âWho is going to find out? These women are trash. Nobodyâs going to believe them.â âon Bill Clintonâs bimbo eruptions
5. âIf I didnât kick his ass every day, he wouldnât be worth anything.â (on Bill Clinton)
4. "I suppose I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do was to fulfill my profession which I entered before my husband was in public life."
3. "We are going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."
2. "I have said that I'm not running and I'm having a great time being pres â being a first-term senator." (on her presidential ambitions)
1. "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the President!"
Proposed New Holiday
This just in:
"Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.
Secretly...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. This is why a new holiday has been created.
March 20th is now officially 'Steak, Beer, TV, BJ & Shut Up Day.' Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so your ladies can have a day to show their man just how much they love him.
No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all...just a big, juicy steak, lots of beer, let him enjoy his TV, a BJ & shut your mouth for the rest of the day! That's it!
This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak, Beer, TV, BJ & Shut Up Day will usher in a new age of love, as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine.
The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So tell others and help bring love, peace and sex equality to this crazy world!"
This just in:
"Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic.
Secretly...guys feel left out. That's right...left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it. This is why a new holiday has been created.
March 20th is now officially 'Steak, Beer, TV, BJ & Shut Up Day.' Simple, effective and self-explanatory...this holiday has been created so your ladies can have a day to show their man just how much they love him.
No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all...just a big, juicy steak, lots of beer, let him enjoy his TV, a BJ & shut your mouth for the rest of the day! That's it!
This twin pairing of Valentine's Day and Steak, Beer, TV, BJ & Shut Up Day will usher in a new age of love, as men everywhere will try THAT much harder in February to ensure a more memorable March! It's like a perpetual love machine.
The word is already spreading, but as with any new idea, it needs a little push to start the ball rolling. So tell others and help bring love, peace and sex equality to this crazy world!"
Subject: Misunderstading
A man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife lies in bed reading a book.
The man says:
"Look Honey, this is the cow that I screw when you have a headache."
His wife replies:
"If you weren't so dumb you would see that it is a sheep"
Her husband smiles.
"If you weren't so slow you would have noticed
I am talking to the sheep, not to you.."
A man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife lies in bed reading a book.
The man says:
"Look Honey, this is the cow that I screw when you have a headache."
His wife replies:
"If you weren't so dumb you would see that it is a sheep"
Her husband smiles.
"If you weren't so slow you would have noticed
I am talking to the sheep, not to you.."