Jokes 2

If he knew a good vet prolly could have a pair of these "installed".

Neuticals

Testicular implants for dogs that look and feel like the real thing! Experts say what's wonderful here is the psychological boost dog's self-esteem by replacing what was lost after being neutered ..

Wtf, who checked to see if they "look" and "feel" like the real thing. This is disgusting. Wonder who had that qualitiy control job.

"Hey, Joe, c'mon over here and check out my dog's balls" "Whaddya think? Nice set. only set me back a couple thou"

"Yea, but how do they look when he's chasing a rabbit?"

Stay tuned for another episode of small dogs - big balls, when fluffy wakes up with the wrong size neuticals.
Fluffy deyhdrates himself trying to clean himself up. Yo, master, can you fill my water bowl. "What? Again"
 
One of the best in that installment is Ron White's version, of getting his dog's semen for artificial insemination. He tells of bringing Bowser to the vet, where the take the dog out back to "extract" the semen.

He says it's real easy to get Bowsker to the Vet now. And if you're late, the dog is in the car honking the horn.

The vet offered to show Mr. White how to do it, so they wouldn't have to bring the dog into the office, but Mr. White declined, saying, "Naw, that's ok. He follows me around too much already.
 
It is the new year and I just can't bring myself to google, "how to extract semen from a dog". I sure there is a protocol to be followed.
Imagine getting a flashback from an incorrect procedure to haunt you the rest of your life. What if "it" hits you in the eye? Or you end up with some on your smock and your wife notices "it" when she does your laundry? "Your honor" I want a divorce, my husband comes home with an ususal amount of "it" on his collar".

My new years resolution is not to get carried away, I can see this is not going to work.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

It is the new year and I just can't bring myself to google, "how to extract semen from a dog". I sure there is a protocol to be followed.
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It's the same way you get an elephant off the refridgerator. You jerk him off.

I'd pay to see the list of your google searches. How would you like to be in court, accused of some vicious, sick crime you had no part in, and you hear the prosecutor say, "your Honor, we have here a list of google searches Mr. Nutmeg has made in the past six months............." You could basically start mentally picking out a cell.

"Sidebar, Gentlemen. May I see the list. Hmmmmmmm. 'Jerking off Your Shelty", "Cum Gargling Vixens of Venezuala", "Spanking Your Way to Orgasm" Oh, so that's how you tell the floor is level...... Baliff!!!! Restrain this man immediately."
 
I did it. I googled. I read they could use "electrical stimulation" ahahahahaha then I closed the window, I can't stop laughing.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

I did it. I googled. I read they could use "electrical stimulation" ahahahahaha then I closed the window, I can't stop laughing.
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That means movies. They use Dog Porn, and the dog masturbates.

Woman goes to the dentist. He's examining her teeth....."this one has to be pulled" he says.

She replies, "I 'd rather have a baby!"

"make up your mind, " he says." I've got to adjust the chair."
 
Quote from flytiger:


The vet offered to show Mr. White how to do it, so they wouldn't have to bring the dog into the office, but Mr. White declined, saying, "Naw, that's ok. He follows me around too much already.
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Reminds me of a story several years ago at Christmas, probably the first time I had met my then girlfriend's (now wife's) family. First the gay brother with his English boyfriend, then the country folks. Mom, Dad, little sister (little, like 30 something). We had recently "adopted" a beautiful, maybe 10 month old Chocolate Lab. Well, ol' Frisky (not his real name) was apparently smitten with lil' sis as he proceeded to hump her as she sat on the floor no lie 3 times to completion in less than five minutes. (sis is kinda hot).

Now I was raised in NY. Had that happened to my little sister, there is no doubt that dog would have been history. But in the country, they take these things as natural, cute even and just laughed it off. Sis wasn't thrilled and had to wash her hair, but Dad and the rest of 'em were just sitting on the couch laughing.

I still give her a hard time about that Christmas, although I must admit a little jealousy - I wouldn't mind blowing a load in her hair myself.:D
 
Quote from topdown:

Reminds me of a story several years ago at Christmas,
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When you're telling stories about jacking off animals, and the next guy says, "Hey, that reminds me of a Christmas a few years back............." mmmmmmmmmm

Too bad you didn't have video. Animal Planet has this really cute show where you send the vids in and,..........
 
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