Jokes 2

Quote from nutmeg:

Thanks. That was pretty funny. I liked the "lousy lining" joke.
More...

I got a kick out of them describing "tumult", somebody who raises hell at on of those Catskills resorts. If you've ever driven there, you'd see big roadsigns for the resorts. I can't think of the names, but I believe it 's what they call the "Borscht Belt".

Amazing storytellers though. Dangerfield is in the tradition, but Hackett told longer, ramblling stories witha real kick. Somewhere, there is one he tells of the deserted island. I'll have to see if I can find it.

By the way, that site gets several new postings a day. Remarkable how much interest is generated, and he's got a lot of ads, too. Hope he makes a bundle.

,
 
When I was little we lived in a two-story house. I was about three, and my mom worried about me climbing the stairs. She told me not to because I was going to fall down the stairs and kill myself. One day she heard a thump and screaming.

She came running in and found me hysterical at the bottom of the stairs. I was crying and yelling "I'm dead! I'm dead! I fell down the stairs and now I'm dead!"

She laughed.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

When I was little we lived in a two-story house. I was about three, and my mom worried about me climbing the stairs. She told me not to because I was going to fall down the stairs and kill myself. One day she heard a thump and screaming.

She came running in and found me hysterical at the bottom of the stairs. I was crying and yelling "I'm dead! I'm dead! I fell down the stairs and now I'm dead!"

She laughed.
More...

That's cuz she pushed you. didn't you realize something was up, when she took you back to the top and did it again???? At least, we know what's wrong with you.

I remember snipets of things when I was two and three. Wierd how that happens. But my folks loved me.

I remember one when I was a teenager, maybe14. It was in the days before remotes, and my Dad, God love him, was sitting in front of the TV, on the floor, legs crossed. He had the same sense of humor I have, and I had to walk between the TV and him. His head was about ass high, and I grabbed him by the hair, I have no idea why I did this, and pressed his face against my ass and mad e a big smacking sound. He got this big grin, started an evil laugh, chased me, caught me, which was easy because I was in convulsions, and gave me a Charley Horse that still hurts. I can still see it.

Happy New Year, joke monsters. Hey, JokeMonsters.com. Run with it. Shaved head and pony tail for nutmeg. "We
're seeing unusual activity in the naked woman level floor bit..........."
 
There was an old man from China
Who painted his bum like a dahlia
Penny a smell was all very well
But tuppence a lick was a failure
 
So the Buddhist Monk sez to the hot dog vendor.
"Make me one with everything."



After the Monk paid for his hot dog, he waited for his change.

"Change", said the vendor, "must come from within".
 
Two guys were walking towards each other on a street, both dragging their right leg.

As they met the first guy said vietnam '68, the other guy said dog shit 20 yards back.
 
Two liberals walk into a joke thread.

They see a guy in the corner who is moaning, groaning, dying from a bad joke.

One liberal turns to the other, and with a look of anquished concern, says, "We need to find the guy who told that joke. He needs help!"

Happy New Year
 
Quote from nutmeg:

Two guys were walking towards each other on a street, both dragging their right leg.

As they met the first guy said vietnam '68, the other guy said dog shit 20 yards back.
More...

Can't remember if I put this in Jokes 1. But........

Guy applies for the Post Office, takes the test. Boss calls him in.... "Hey, you're just a c ouple a' points off the quallifier... have any Government service?"

"Sure," replies the applicant. "I 'm a Gulf War Vet."

"Good, good. Any decorations?"

"Purple Heart." he says. " I was standing next to a Bradley, and a richochet hit me in the groin...... I, I have no testicles."

"Oh my God. I"m so sorry. But, I can qualify you right now based on that service. Can you start in the morning.?
"

"Yeah. What time should I be here?"

"Oh. How about ten am???"

"Seems late to start, isn't it?"

"Well, says the Manager,"we are here at eight, but we just stand around for a couple hours scratching our balls. No point in you showing up for that."

"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top