Jokes 2

Mommy is washing her little son and daughter in the bath together. The little girl points at her brother’s
penis and says. “what’s that?”
“I don’t know he says
Can I play with it she says ?
Hell no you’ve broken yours off already
 
Sounds like I did the right thing. It was like a day trade. Well actually a swing trade because I went back a few times for more. I feel sorry for the guy but they were already fucked up before I got there LOL.
 
My wife looked out the window and said "What's up with all the leaves?"

I said "I don't have a rake"

"Whaddaya mean you don't have a @#&*# rake?"

To which I said " Does the tv remote need batteries?"

(Sigh) "Yes"
 
So Johnny's mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

- first, Johnny, i want you to take off my blouse...

so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

- ok, now take off my skirt...

and he takes off her skirt.

- now take off my bra...

which he does.

- and now, Johnny, please take off my panties.

and when Johnny finishes removing those, she says,

"Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school any more!"
 
Quote from nutmeg:

Acronym

WIFE...you know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.
More...

Aren't you late for Women's rights march or something?

This is the best, simply the BEST, golf story I"ve ever heard......

Businessman Jason Vines was attending a conference in Africa. He had a
free day and wanted to play a round of golf. He was directed to a golf
course in the nearby jungle. After a short journey, he arrived at the
course and asked the pro if he could get on.

"Sure," said the Pro, "What's your handicap?"

Not wanting to admit that he had an 18 handicap, he decided to
cut it a bit.

"Well, its 16," Jason said, "But what's the relevance since
I'll be playing alone?"

"It's very important for us to know," said the pro, who then
called a caddy.

"Go out with this gentleman," said the pro, "his handicap is 16."

Jason was very surprised at this constant reference to his
handicap. The caddy picked up Jason's bag and a large rifle; again the
businessman was surprised but decided to ask no questions.

They arrived on the 1st hole, a par 4. "Please avoid those trees
on the left," said the caddy. Need less to say, Jason duck-hooked his
ball into the trees. He found his ball and was about to punch it out
when he heard the loud crack of the rifle and a large snake fell dead
from a tree above his head. The caddy stood next to him with the rifle
smoking in his hand.

"That's the mamba, the most poisonous snake in all Africa.
You're lucky I was here with you."

After taking a bogey, they moved to the 2nd hole, a par 5.

"Avoid those bushes on the right," says the caddy. Of course,
Jason's ball went straight into the bushes. As he went to pick up his
ball, he heard the loud crack of the caddy's rifle once more and a huge lion fell dead at his feet. "I've saved your life again," said
the caddy.

The 3rd hole was a par 3 with a lake in front of the green.
Jason's ball came up just short of the green and rolled back to the
edge of the water. To take a shot, he had to stand with one foot in
the lake. As he was about to swing, a large crocodile emerged from the
water, and aggressively bit off most of his right leg.

As he fell to the ground bleeding and in great pain, he saw the
caddy with the rifle propped at his side, looking on unconcernedly.
"Why didn't you kill it?" asked the man incredulously.

"I'm sorry, sir," said the caddy, "this is the 17th handicap hole,
you don't get a shot here."


That's why you should never lie about your handicap
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top