Jokes 2

Anybody remember Murray Langston, better known as "The Unknown Comic"??

Around ten years ago, I was in Las Vegas, and as a rated gambler, I could go anywhere Gratis. Lots of great shows, but I ended up in the sleazy Holiday Inn because Murray was there. We sat on those cheasy HI chairs, and it was great.

A classic I remember from the "Gong Show", circa 1976

"Ayyyy, my Uncle just rented an apartment over the bank. Now his ass sets over 10 milliion dollars."

Well, lo and behold, whateverthehell that means..... lookee here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xj3Q9l9Ivng

pure Burlesque Schtick.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

My Uncle just got a new job, he has "500 people under him", he is a caretaker at the cemetary.
More...

Ayyyy, my first wife was so fat,..........


ayyyyy when she danced, the band skipped.....

badabing. Ayyyye I'm killing me here.
 
Too Fat Polka


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1R7591WyFg

Oh I don't want her
You can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
Oh I don't want her
You can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat
She's too fat
She's too fat for me

I get dizzy, I get numbo
When I'm dancing
With my jum, jum jumbo

I don't want her
You can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
Oh I don't want her
You can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat
She's too fat
She's too fat for me

She's a twosome,
She's a foursome
If she'd lose some
I would like her more some

I don't want her
You can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
Oh I don't want her
You can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat
She's too fat
She's too fat for me

Can she prance up a hill?
No, no, no, no, no
Can she dance a quadrill?
No, no, no, no, no
Does she fit in my coupe?
By herself she's a brute
Could she possibly
Sit upon my knee?
No, no, no

Oh I don't want her
You can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
She's too fat for me
Oh I don't want her
You can have her
She's too fat for me
She's too fat
Much too Fat
She's too fat for me
She's too fat
Much too fat
She's too fat for me
 
she butters aspirin. Doesn't high dive, just walks out on the board and lowers herself into the water.

by the way, Chris Rock has a GREAT routine about rotund Black Women, who ain't stayin' home on Saturday night. I"ll try to find it for you but one of the great punch lines in it is, "girlllllll you got a gut. " "Yeah, but there's some good pussy under this gut. I"m going out."
 
Lol, that is the one line I always remembered when first heard it.

"Underneath this big fat belly is some mighty fine pussy"
 
HAMLET
Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

Lying down at OPHELIA's feet

OPHELIA
No, my lord.

HAMLET
I mean, my head upon your lap?

OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.

HAMLET
Do you think I meant country matters? (cunt entry)

OPHELIA
I think nothing, my lord.

HAMLET
That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.

OPHELIA
What is, my lord?

HAMLET
Nothing.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

HAMLET
Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

Lying down at OPHELIA's feet

OPHELIA
No, my lord.

HAMLET
I mean, my head upon your lap?

OPHELIA
Ay, my lord.

HAMLET
Do you think I meant country matters? (cunt entry)

OPHELIA
I think nothing, my lord.

HAMLET
That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.

OPHELIA
What is, my lord?

HAMLET
Nothing.
More...

Who said you ain't got no class?
 
I remember the line from a Rodney Dangerfield movie, he was trying to date a teacher.

He asks "Can we go to lunch Tuesday"

She replied "No, I have class that day."

"How about Wednesday"?

"Sorry, I have class that day too."

Rodney says "Well, call me sometime when you ain't got no class."
 
Quote from nutmeg:

I remember the line from a Rodney Dangerfield movie, he was trying to date a teacher.

He asks "Can we go to lunch Tuesday"

She replied "No, I have class that day."

"How about Wednesday"?

"Sorry, I have class that day too."

Rodney says "Well, call me sometime when you ain't got no class."
More...

They always were the more funner girls.

Had to be Sally Kellerman in "Back to School".

"How did such a degenerate become an Officer in the United States Army?"

"He was drafted".
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top