Jokes 2

Quote from nutmeg:

No offense :eek:

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.

But then some stranger prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
Those prints are large and round and neat,
"But Lord, they are too big for feet."

"My child," He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."

"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."

"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."
More...

You're in serious need of help. As soon as I find someone that can helpme, I'll refer him to you. Good luck in the meantime.

Besides that, God can't help you, because I've listened to the pro golfers thank him for helping them win 1.3 million dollar purses. I mean, people are dying in bombings in the hundreds, and God's watching golf. What's that about? I'm a fan, but gee. Pay a little attention to business, will ya God??? And don't get me started w/the Latin Baseball players.

By the by, the previous post Nutmeg is answering belongs in Religion and Politics, This is still a joke thread.
 
If God is watching golf, maybe he reads the joke thread, very possible the guy was trying to score a few brownie points for a poor joke here and there.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch of poor jokes.

Question:Whatz a PJ ?
Answer: Obviously "a poor joke"

Question: Whatz a (P + i J)?
Answer: "complex poor joke"

But why don't people laugh on a "complex poor joke" ?
 
Quote from nutmeg:

If God is watching golf, maybe he reads the joke thread, very possible the guy was trying to score a few brownie points for a poor joke here and there.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch of poor jokes.

Question:Whatz a PJ ?
Answer: Obviously "a poor joke"

Question: Whatz a (P + i J)?
Answer: "complex poor joke"

But why don't people laugh on a "complex poor joke" ?
More...
Because they're not funny?

If God reads the thread, why doesn't he post? He must know some really good ones.

Oh, he's busy watching golf. Forgot.
 
We are down 43 points on the day! Quick, someone get Crammer to use his direct access to let the Fed know just how bad things really are out here and how we need Bernanke to drop another 50bp. Oh the horror, 44 off the highs now, Oh the humanity!
 
Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says "Hillary, I know you're 'somebody' down on Earth, but up here, you're just another person. And, I'm swamped right now, so have a seat and I'll get back with you as soon as I can."

So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She can't help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.

When St. Peter returns she asks "What's the deal with the clocks?"

St. Peter replies "There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth."

Hillary asks, "Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?"

St. Peter replies, "That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery."

Hillary asks, "Well, is my husband's clock on the wall?"

St. Peter replies, "Of course not. God has it in his office and is using it for an electric fan."
 
The Secret Service was always worried by Bill Clinton's practice of taking early morning jogs. They got a real scare one day when somebody threw a beer at the president. Fortunately, it turned out to have been a draft, and Clinton was able to dodge it.
 
"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one with only seven commandments."—David Letterman
 
Hillary Clinton went to her doctor because she was not feeling well.

The doctor explained that she was pregnant again.

She was furious. This would ruin her plans for a Presidential run in 2008. Her dreams were ruined. The more she thought about it, the madder she got. She was so mad that she called Bill and began to yell and scream at him, how he had selfishly gotten her pregnant, ruined her dreams of grandeur. She went on and on,
finally there was a long pause as she waited for a reply from Mr. Clinton.

Suddenly, after the long silence, Bill said, "...Who is this?"
 
"Hillary Clinton has finished writing her book where she says her marriage couldn't be stronger, and Bill just finished his book titled 'Chicks I Nailed While Hillary was Writing Her Book.'" —Craig Kilborn


"There is a cold front moving across the country. Yeah, it's Hillary starting her book tour." —Craig Kilborn
 
From today's SI.com

Q. What do Billy Graham and the Mets have in common?

A. Both make 50,000 people stand up and shout, "Jesus Christ!"

(Or should this one belong in Religion & Politics, too?)
 
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