Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
In case you didn't hear the joke alluded to:
Old timer goes to Confession. "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Father, I've got 19 year old blonde twins at my house, and I'm nailing them every single day."
"Say", says our Padre through the screen. "I recognize your voice. Why, you're Irving Lipshitz. You're not Catholic!!! WHat are you doing here telling me this for????"
"Father, I'm 88. I'm tellin' everybody."
Couple weeks later, Irv is in the Park cryin' like a baby. Cop comes to help him.
"What's the problem old timer??."
Irv sobs, "I've got two nineteen year old blondes at the house, and everyday I'm stoupin them."
"Wow! An old guy like you? 19 year old blondes!!!! What the hell are you cryin' for?"
"I forgot where I live."BWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Irv gets straightened out. Goes to the Doctor. Says, "Doc, it hurts when I pee."
Doc asks, "Irv, how old are you?"
"88".
"Haven't you peed enough?"
Old timer goes to Confession. "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Father, I've got 19 year old blonde twins at my house, and I'm nailing them every single day."
"Say", says our Padre through the screen. "I recognize your voice. Why, you're Irving Lipshitz. You're not Catholic!!! WHat are you doing here telling me this for????"
"Father, I'm 88. I'm tellin' everybody."
Couple weeks later, Irv is in the Park cryin' like a baby. Cop comes to help him.
"What's the problem old timer??."
Irv sobs, "I've got two nineteen year old blondes at the house, and everyday I'm stoupin them."
"Wow! An old guy like you? 19 year old blondes!!!! What the hell are you cryin' for?"
"I forgot where I live."BWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Irv gets straightened out. Goes to the Doctor. Says, "Doc, it hurts when I pee."
Doc asks, "Irv, how old are you?"
"88".
"Haven't you peed enough?"
General Betrayus in congress reminds me of this old joke:
An elderly man with back pain goes to see a chiropractor. During the examination the old fella seizes up and dies. The chiropractor calls the family and tells them the bad news, but assures the grieving relatives that with additional visits he should be able to align the old manâs spine.
An elderly man with back pain goes to see a chiropractor. During the examination the old fella seizes up and dies. The chiropractor calls the family and tells them the bad news, but assures the grieving relatives that with additional visits he should be able to align the old manâs spine.
Which reminds me of the assistant at the funeral home who came home with the most astonishedlook on his face. His wife asked "what in the world is wrong?"
He replied, "we layed out a guy today, and when we put him on the table,.............."
"Well???!!!??"
".......we put him on the table, and his slong was probably 16 inches long."
"My God!!!! Schwartz is dead??!!!??!"
Speaking of dead people.
"Dead" man wakes up under autopsy knife
CARACAS (Reuters) - A Venezuelan man who had been declared dead woke up in the morgue in excruciating pain after medical examiners began their autopsy.
Carlos Camejo, 33, was declared dead after a highway accident and taken to the morgue, where examiners began an autopsy only to realize something was amiss when he started bleeding. They quickly sought to stitch up the incision on his face.
http://today.reuters.com/news/artic...RTRUKOC_0_US-AUTOPSY.xml&src=nl_usoddlyenough
Hmmm, makes one wonder, eh?
Don
"Dead" man wakes up under autopsy knife
CARACAS (Reuters) - A Venezuelan man who had been declared dead woke up in the morgue in excruciating pain after medical examiners began their autopsy.
Carlos Camejo, 33, was declared dead after a highway accident and taken to the morgue, where examiners began an autopsy only to realize something was amiss when he started bleeding. They quickly sought to stitch up the incision on his face.
http://today.reuters.com/news/artic...RTRUKOC_0_US-AUTOPSY.xml&src=nl_usoddlyenough
Hmmm, makes one wonder, eh?
Don
Yes. I'm sure his wife was pissed.
Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people
A professor at the University is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks them, "How many folk here believe in ghosts?"
About 80 students raise their hands. "That's a good start," says the professor, "For those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good," continues the professor, "I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response," remarks the impressed professor, "has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands.
"Brilliant. But let me ask you one question further...
Have any of you ever been intimate with a ghost?"
One of his students from a Redneck state raises his hand.
The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed that.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor asks, "Well, tell us what it's like to have made love to a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost?!? Dang it!... I thought you said `goats.'
To get a feel for his audience, he asks them, "How many folk here believe in ghosts?"
About 80 students raise their hands. "That's a good start," says the professor, "For those who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good," continues the professor, "I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
15 students raise their hands.
"That's a great response," remarks the impressed professor, "has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands.
"Brilliant. But let me ask you one question further...
Have any of you ever been intimate with a ghost?"
One of his students from a Redneck state raises his hand.
The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed that.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The redneck student replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor asks, "Well, tell us what it's like to have made love to a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost?!? Dang it!... I thought you said `goats.'
LOL, evidently not this Doctor. LOL.
Don
