Jokes 2

"Did you happen to notice your fly is open?".

Looking down at his fly, the drunk exclaims "Omigod! Someone stole my girlfriend."
 
Music producer at dinner, notices the piano player is playing the most absolutely beautifully melody he has ever heard. At the break he goes over, gives the guy a card, says, "why don't you let me produce this for you."

"No, it never works. Other guys have tried. "

"You're telling me you couldn't record this and... Hey, let's go to the men's room where we can talk".

The boys hit the urinal. Our composer says, "I wrote that piece over the love of my life. It's called, "I Love You So Fucking Much, I Could Shit. " That's the name of it, it stays, and no one can make me change my mind."

"Oh well, it's your life. " says the Producer. "By the way. Do you know you're pissing all over your shoes?"

"Know it!!???!!?? Hell, I wrote it."
 
Ahhh, Those Brits!!

Two English gentlemen were talking about the weather one day when one looks into the distance and says: "Sir, do you see that lady over there?"

To which the other one replies indignantly: "What on Earth do you mean? That's no lady... That's my wife!"

:) :) :)
 
> > WOMAN'S POEM
>
> Before I lay me down to sleep,
> I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
> One who's handsome, smart and strong.
> One who loves to listen long,
> One who thinks before he speaks,
> One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
> I pray he's gainfully employed,
> When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
> Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
> Massages my back and begs to do more.
> Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
> Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
> I pray that this man will love me to no end,
> And always be my very best friend.
>
> MAN'S POEM
>
> I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
> who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This
> doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit
 
Quote from Rocko1:

How come the Mexican army had only 600 soldiers at the battle of Alamos?

They only got 2 cars.
More...

Why do they have noses???

So they have something to pick in the winter.
 
Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.



The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on speaker size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have long complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
 
New York Restaurant

Customer: Waiter, do you serve pigs?
Waiter: Please sit down Sir and wait your turn, we serve everyone!

:) :) :)
 
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