Jokes 2

The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Valerie," the man replied.
"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
prefer someone else," said the madam.
"No. I must see Valerie," he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights
in a row -- too expensive -- and there were no discounts. The price was
still $5,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid
Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you
from?" she asked.
The man replied, "South Carolina."
"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."
"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's
attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
 
Why the terrorists keep failing in the USA:

IMAO lists many reasons, but my favorite was:

Why don't we have supervillians in real life? Because of capitalism. Anyone smart enough to become a supervillian can easily make lots of money legitimately. Same problem with smart terrorists. Anyone Al Qaeda gets over here to attack us with half a brain is probably soon going to find more fulfilling things to do with his time than blow himself up. You try and overthrow America using the world's biggest losers.
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Read the rest:

http://www.imao.us/archives/007765.html
 
"The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you?" she asked. "I want to see Valerie," the man replied."

After a few minutes with the man Valerie excused herself, came out and mentioned to Jenna that this man has the word shorty tattooed on his penis and she ought to go in there and see it.

ONE HOUR later, Jenna comes out. Valerie says "Did you see the tattoo?"

Jenna said "When he got hard the tattoo actually said "Shortys bar and grill Chattanooga Tennessee".
 
For Brilliant Minds

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

:) :) :)
 
Quote from Yannis:

For Brilliant Minds

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

:) :) :)
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Yeah. so send your kid to a public school where they use "Hooked on Phonics" or some other bullshit program. I do believe it. I have a Masters in Education. But the politics drove me away.

All that happens is, the kids who come from homes where the parents are readers go thru the motions of phonetic drills. The Administration says, "brilliant", and we graduate another group of non-readers.

Why did you have to get me started??? Now I have to come up w/ a Schoolteacher joke.

Schoolteacher, Accountant, and a Lawyer are together with their pets. Schoolteacher says, "watch what my dog "Pupil" can do. She teaches Pupil, right there, to tap out the number of a playing card using his paw. Pupil gets a biscuit from the jar.

Accountant says, "Watch my Ledger work. " Ledger puts the cards in groups equalling tens, and then by suits, in groups of hundreds. Ledger gets a biscuit from the jar.

The Lawyers dog, "Shyster", needs no commands. He screws the other two dogs, and eats all the biscuits.
 
One night at the kitchen table a man, who works at a pickle factory,says to his wife " Honey today at work I had this urge to stick my penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife told him to see a psychiatrist.
Three weeks later at the kitchen table the man says to his wife " Honey they fired me from work today."
The wife replies " I'll bet it had something to do with that pickle slicer."
The man says " Yeah, and I can't believe they fired her to."
 
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