Jokes 2

In an Irish Convent, the 98 year old Mother Superior is on her deathbed.
She is surrounded by the other nuns, all doing whatever they can to make the Mother Superior’s final voyage as comfortable as possible.
They try to give her warm milk to drink. She refuses it, and pushes the cup away.
One of the nuns returns to the kitchen with the cup of milk. There, she recalls the bottle of Irish Whisky given to the convent as a Christmas gift by a local landowner. She tips a large measure into the milk, returns to the Mother Superior’s bedside, and gently holds the cup up to old nun’s mouth.
Barely perceptibly, the Mother Superior’s dry, cracked lips move slightly, and she drinks a tiny drop. Then again, the lips move, and she drinks another drop. Then, opening her eyes slightly, she drinks more of a slurp than a drop. And so on until before anyone fully realizes what has happened, she has emptied the cup.
She then closes her eyes once again, and now it seems she is fading fast.
“Oh, Mother Siobhan”, one of the nuns wails, “please, oh please, give us your final words of comfort or advice, before you leave us for that better place!”
With barely any strength left in her body, the aged nun lifts her head slightly and opens her eyes.
“Don’t sell that cow.”
 
My daughter took an English exam yesterday (9th grade).

This was one of the questions.

A woman asks the driver to take her to the synagogue, on the way there the driver mentions his uncle was "lynched".

What are the nationalities of these two people?
---------------

You gotta be kidding me?

:cool:

______________

She told me, "We rode in plenty of cabs and everyone knows that cabs are driven by Indian doctors."

:D
 
Bill Clinton, Anthony Weiner and Barney Frank were driving along in their limo when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.

Bill said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."

Anthony echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."

Barney sighed, "I wish it was dark . . .
 
Get Your Bike

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:cool: :cool: :cool:
 
What's The Chance It Was The Alligators That Put Up This Sign?

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:) :) :)
 

Attachments

Did you hear about the two brothers that walked into a bar?

One leaves and sodomises his brothers wife knowing he's still in the bar.
 
The Old Man

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to enjoy his pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. When he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young college girls skinny-dipping in his pond. Although he felt annoyed about their trespassing his property, he didn't yell at them but discreetly made them aware of his presence -- and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

He frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies or make you get out of the pond naked...' Holding the bucket up he added, 'I'm here just to feed the alligator!...'

Some old men can still think fast, even when they're angry.

:) :) :)
 
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