I go to the VA, and with the cutbacks, they don't have the best equipment. After you get the demerol, they tape this cable to the back of a gerbil. Then, they grab your hand, put a pen in it and scribble across the consent form. The final step is, they open your mouth, and wave a tongue depressor with a gob of peanut butter on it. Insert gerbil, and walla! The picture moves really fast, but it's over in a minute. And you're so hungry, when you wake up, you get the peanut butter if you can beat the gerbil to it.
Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
I go to the VA, and with the cutbacks, they don't have the best equipment. After you get the demerol, they tape this cable to the back of a gerbil. Then, they grab your hand, put a pen in it and scribble across the consent form. The final step is, they open your mouth, and wave a tongue depressor with a gob of peanut butter on it. Insert gerbil, and walla! The picture moves really fast, but it's over in a minute. And you're so hungry, when you wake up, you get the peanut butter if you can beat the gerbil to it.
hahaha This thread is hilarious!!!
Current Political Insight
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From NewsMax
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
President Obama said that watching the raid on Osama bin Laden was the longest 40 minutes of his life. Mind you, thatâs coming from a guy that has to listen to Joe Biden.
Officials say the terrorists are now going after our railways. The rail line you should really avoid is Amtrakistan.
According to The Wall Street Journal, men cry more as they get older. Especially when they reach retirement and they have to work as a greeter at Wal-Mart.
Conan
For Motherâs Day, Hooters was giving free wings to moms. I didnât even know that when I took my mom there.
President Obama said that watching the raid on Osama bin Ladenâs compound was the longest 40 minutes of his life, except for every time he asks Joe Biden whatâs up.
Dick Cheney says he gives Obama high marks on getting bin Laden. He said, âTrust me, I know how hard it is to shoot someone in the face.â
Late Show With David Letterman
The horse that won the Kentucky Derby was given 20 to 1 odds. Theyâre giving the same odds to Katie Couricâs replacement.
Regis Philbin is publishing his memoirs because he found out thereâs some money out there he hasnât got his hands on yet.
It will be the most anticipated book since Bob Barker released his memoirs.
Late Show Top Ten
Top Ten Reasons Meredith Vieira Is Leaving The âTodayâ Show
10. Could no longer handle short work day and big paycheck
9. Exhausted from carrying one NBC show people still watch
8. Wanted in several missing tourist cases
7. Only so many times you can learn secrets to making chilled summer soups
6. Still suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder from years at "The View"
5. Steroids
4. Starting her own cable channel called The Oprah Winfrey Network
3. Cash-strapped NBC has been paying everyone in True Value Hardware coupons
2. Can't act like she gives a crap where in the world Matt Lauer is
1. Forced out by Leno
The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson
President Obama admitted he was very nervous while watching the raid on Osama bin Ladenâs compound. And it didnât help that every two seconds, Joe Biden kept saying, âAre we there yet?â
Paul McCartney is getting married again. The couple plans on having an intimate ceremony, which is a nice way of saying that Ringo is not invited.
Doctors say that 2011 will be the worst year ever for allergies. Before that, they said 2010 would be worst and before that, 2009. Iâm starting to think these doctors may work for the allergy companies.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
I always think Motherâs Day is funny because all of the mothers I know just want to get as far away from their children as possible.
Simon Cowell started shooting his new TV show, which explains why Baby Gap is sold out of black T-shirts.
Al-Qaida released a statement saying the United States will pay for Osama bin Ladenâs death. Iâm pretty sure we did pay for it. We even took care of the funeral arrangements.
For years, the CIA thought bin Laden was sick and on dialysis, but one of his wives said he recovered from two kidney operations in part by eating watermelon every day. I knew watermelons were against us.
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Washington, D.C., has a new program that would pay residents $12,000 to move closer to their workplace. Itâs already a huge hit â in fact just today, 3,000 prostitutes moved in right across from Congress.
Newt Gingrich plans to announce his campaign for president this Wednesday. I donât know about his chances. I mean, Iâm not saying Gingrich peaked in the â90s, but his campaign is being sponsored by Tamagotchis and Crystal Pepsi.
Gingrich plans to announce his campaign on Facebook and Twitter. In other words, it looks like MySpace just got a little bit cooler.
Then look what happened:
Chuck Norris Revisited
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch: HE decides what time it is!
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity... twice!
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep: he awaits!
What's the last thing that goes through the mind of his victims? Chuck Norris' foot!
Physicists have corrected Einstein's theory: It now reads E=m*{Chuck Norris}^2
Chuck Norris can divide by zero!
And whenever he divides anything by his favorite operator, "Chuck Norris", there's never any remainder, ever.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch: HE decides what time it is!
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity... twice!
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep: he awaits!
What's the last thing that goes through the mind of his victims? Chuck Norris' foot!
Physicists have corrected Einstein's theory: It now reads E=m*{Chuck Norris}^2
Chuck Norris can divide by zero!
And whenever he divides anything by his favorite operator, "Chuck Norris", there's never any remainder, ever.