Jokes 2

Wall Street's Truth - LTCM

Location: LTCM
JM: Gentlemen, I just realize that we are so smart. Everything we do makes money! Let's leverage up and make more money!
RM: Let's make millions!
MS: No, let's make billions!
DM: No, let's make trillions!
ER: You guys are geniuses! Literally!

Location: Unknown Secret Head Quarter for Big Traders
Secret Big Trader 1: Those LTCM guys think they are so smart. We got to risk our capital to teach them a lesson.
Secret Big Trader 2: I am with you on that one. They don't seem to be aware of the liquidity problem.
Secret Big Trader 3: They are totally clueless. lol
Secret Big Trader 1: Let me tell you what we will do. We will take the other side of every trade they make.
Secret Big Trader 4: Good idea! Let's do it!

Location: LTCM
JM: We are ruined! Our position got too big! We need a bail out! :(
RM: We should have consider the liquidity of the market. :(
MS: What's liquidity? :(
DM: I have no clue. :(
ER: Don't look at me. I just do math. :(
 
A Calpers spokeswoman told the paper that she is not aware of any federal criminal investigations scrutinizing the fund's investments.

When it's 7 am in New York, it's 1998 in California.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

Opps wait one more.

I went to a restaurant in Windsor and ordered an imported beer. Ahhh, I was young and had never tried an imported beer. They brought me a Bud. I said I could get that home.
More...

Was it in a green bottle?
 
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, “sorry, but we don’t serve minors.” So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.”

Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “you’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.

Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.
 
Quote from Optionpro007:

Fox news:

"Qantas Pilot Allowed to Fly Despite Urges to Crash Jets"

-----------------------

Overheard at Wall Mart

"I keep having a strong urge to drive my fork lift off the edge of the dock with 10,000 dollars of worthless Chinese junk"

Oh the humanity.

hey, it's a workmans comp claim. no biggee. Say what you gotta say.
 
Abbott and Costello Get an AIDS test:

Doctor "Bad news pal, the test came back. HIV+"

A&C "Oh No! you're positive ?"

Doctor "What, no not me, the tests are for you."

A&C "Yeah but how positive are you?"

Doctor "I'm not positive at all. Your the one..."

A&C "So you're saying the diagnosis isn't final?"

Doctor "No. Results are in. You are psoitive!"

A&C "Great. That sounds like a good thing"

Doctor "It's not, you want to be negative"

A&C "Negative, really? are you postive?"

Doctor "ARRRGGGGGGGGG!!"
 
I have just found inner peace.

Its quite simple, just finish all the things you started but never finished.

I went round the house this afternoon looking for all the things I never finished.
The Vodka, the Baileys, the Rose wine and the valium.

You have no fucking idea how peaceful I feel now.
 
I got out of the shower and my wife said, "Ooo look, it's like a penis ... only smaller".

I said, "Ooo look, it's like my secretary ... only fatter and less flexible".
 
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