Jokes 2

My boss is a jerk.

I came into work two hours late today.

He asked "Why are you two hours late?"

I said " I fell down the stairs!!!!"

He said "That doesn't take two hours..."
 
Does anyone know what would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster than it does today ?

We would get paid every day, and all women would bleed to death.
 
I tell ya, I get no respect. My wife, she says to give her 12 inches and make it hurt. So I banged her 3 times and hit her over the head with a brick.
 
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MIXED EMOTIONS!

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology and explaining the phenomenon of “mixed emotions”.

The husband turned to his wife and said, “Honey, that’s a bunch of crap. I bet you can’t tell me anything that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She said “Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis“
 
Holy Molly!

In order to survive in these harsh economic times, a monastery decided to start a fish-and-chips store.

When the store opened, the first client who came in asked one of the attendant: are you the fish fryer?

Oh, no, the cleric answers, I'm the chip monk!

:) :) :)
 
Interesting Language Lesson

The teacher to her student: "Give me the opposite of: Children in the dark, make mistakes."

The student replies: "Mistakes in the dark, make children."

:) :) :)
 
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