Jokes 2

[nutmeg]

Donald Trump's dog.

 

[nutmeg]

Note to self: Make sure on a first date both of us understand each other's idea of "eating out".

 

[Optionpro007]

Why...

 

[nutmeg]

You know you are fucked when you call your broker and you're put through to a call center and you have to say "pardon?" before you can say "hello".

 

[nutmeg]

Am I the only person who adjusts their purchases, so that the hot looking cashier has to say, "That will be one sixty-nine please?"

 

[nutmeg]

Speaking of childish humor, I guess the jist of the last South Park was a play on the word "fish sticks". The kids were all saying it so it sounded like "fishdicks". Kids would ask each other if they liked fish sticks, if you said yes, then they called you a gay fish. The only kid in the group who didn't get the joke was Kanye West, hence they called him a gay fish.

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[nutmeg]

Last night, my French girlfriend suggested a little bit of role playing.

So I dressed up as a German and invaded her.

 

[nutmeg]

Have you seen the new General Motors Christmas calendar?

The windows are boarded up and all that is inside is dust and mouse shit.

 

[flytiger]

Quote from Wake up:

Although this is no joke, I'll post it here anyway.


The priest to whom providence was kind

A priest appointed to vigil over the body of a young girl, who was believed to be dead, apparently succumbed to her great beauty. The girl, however, awoke shortly after being buried and was rescued. To his great astonishment and horror, she gave birth nine months later. The priest avowed his misdeed and left the priesthood. He subsequently asked her parents for permission to espouse her, which they granted him.

Visually shaken by such news, our Hero went down to Clancy's to fortify himself with a "stiff one", if you know what I mean. Unfortunately, news of the dreadful deed had spread like wildfire.

When the Priest ordered Dewar's, straight up, the barkeep looked him straight in the eye and said, "Sorry Padre. We don't serve necros!".

 

[nutmeg]

What's the worst thing about going down on the young nubile believed to be dead girl?

Hitting the back of your head on the coffin lid.