Jokes 2

"And how many lame jokes did you tell on the joke forum today Nutmeg", the priest asked at confession.

"I might as well confess to four, your Reverence," said Nutmeg. "I'm going to tell another one later!"
 
The Pastor said unto Nutmeg: "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

"I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

"I'm in the secret service.
 
I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, start out dead and get it out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, collect your pension.

Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.
 
Quote from nutmeg:

I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, start out dead and get it out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, collect your pension.

Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You drink alcohol, you party, you're generally promiscuous and you get ready for High School.
More...

Either way, you end up crapping in diapers.
 
Quote from Yannis:

A Good Oldie

Two guys were riding in a car, arguing about how to say the name of the city that they were in. One said "Louieville" and the other "Louiseville." They went on arguing and arguing, until they came upon a fast-food restaurant. They go inside and ask the waitress, "Please tell us the name of the place where we are right now really, really, really slowly." The waitress nods that she understood, leans a little towards them and goes, "Burrr-gerrr-Kiiing!"

:) :) :)
More...

I used to do a chica from Louisville. She pronounced it Lou-ville.

Similar to New Orleans is locally pronounced Naw-lins.

In Florida there is Alachua county. They say people from north of there pronounce it Ah-LATCH-u-ah and people from south of there pronounce it Alla-CHEW-uh, and they go on to say "if you're from here you pronounce it anyway you want."
 
Speaking of living your life backwards.

Your wife gets back with you, your dog comes back to life, your pick em up truck starts, you get your job back and life is great.

eehhaaaww!
 
ovce.jpg
 
Scientists have discovered that most women will, at some time in their life, contain intelligent DNA.

Unfortunately, over 95% of them will spit it out....
 
It was a dark and stormy night. Sharon invited Peter to her place,
where they quickly got involved in a very passionate and energetic
session in bed together.

Finally, tired and satisfied, they both lay back in the bed and
snuggled up close to each other. After a short while, Sharon began
tenderly stroking Peter's manhood.

Surprised but appreciative, Peter comments, "Surely you can't be ready for more already?"

Sharon replies, "No, but every now and then I get a bit nostalgic, and
I miss the days when I had mine."

to be continued.....
 
An indian and a cowboy out walking on the plains. The indian stoops, puts his ear to the ground and says:
"Buffalo come!"
"Wow that's amazing-how do you know that?" says the cowboy
"Cheek wet!"
 
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