Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they
made love the husband always insisted on turning off the light. Well, after
20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him
out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a
wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down... And saw her husband was holding a battery-operated
leisure device... A vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard!" She screamed at him,
"How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain
yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . You explain the kids."
made love the husband always insisted on turning off the light. Well, after
20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him
out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a
wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights.
She looked down... And saw her husband was holding a battery-operated
leisure device... A vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard!" She screamed at him,
"How could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain
yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy . . . You explain the kids."
Confessions
A Catholic priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Rabbi, is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
The rabbi hesitated for a moment or three and then replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
The rabbi didnât look happy with this turn of events. A little while later he finally spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, avoiding the temptations of the flesh is still very much a part of our commitment to the Catholic Church."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?â
A few seconds after that, the priest replied hesitantly, with a low voice, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my oath of celibacy, and Iâm very sorry about that..."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for about five minutes. Finally, he leaned over and whispered with a smile, "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
A Catholic priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane. After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Rabbi, is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"
The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."
The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"
The rabbi hesitated for a moment or three and then replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich." The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
The rabbi didnât look happy with this turn of events. A little while later he finally spoke up and asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?"
The priest replied, "Yes, avoiding the temptations of the flesh is still very much a part of our commitment to the Catholic Church."
The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?â
A few seconds after that, the priest replied hesitantly, with a low voice, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my oath of celibacy, and Iâm very sorry about that..."
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent for about five minutes. Finally, he leaned over and whispered with a smile, "Beats a ham sandwich, doesn't it?"
Richard Hills first job. ding fries are done.
http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_...ZQZY/2.jpg&t=OEgsToPDskIJ_8uU0jdRd757JXL1Inf6
http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_...ZQZY/2.jpg&t=OEgsToPDskIJ_8uU0jdRd757JXL1Inf6
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired Marine, asked, Honey, do you remember this?"
He looked up from his newspaper and said; "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married"
She said, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?
He nodded and said "Yes dear, I said; Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out."
She giggled and said; "That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"
He looked her up and down and said; "Mission Accomplished"
He looked up from his newspaper and said; "Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married"
She said, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?
He nodded and said "Yes dear, I said; Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out."
She giggled and said; "That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?"
He looked her up and down and said; "Mission Accomplished"
A new entry into the US Presidential Race:
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2007/06/fear_not_americ.html
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2007/06/fear_not_americ.html