Jokes 2

Quote from topdown:

Nutmeg and Fly are the only reasons I still come to ET. Baron should be paying these guys:D :D :D
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That don't make us gay, does it?

Seriously, I really don't care if two big hairy sweaty guys want to get together, get naked, sweaty, dance, kiss..... that's ok with me. But do they always have to dress so well, and make the rest of us look bad?
 
From the "when I'm weary, feelin' downnnnnnnnnnn" dept.

I go to my inbox, and I see this uplifting message:

Elizabeth Holcomb Outsized schlong for you and your gf!þ 8:16 AM 4 KB

You see. When you least expect it, someone will show up and show you a kindness, and it will make your day.
 
For The Love Of Golf

Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast.

"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has gotten so bad that once I've hit the ball I couldn't see where it went."

His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try."

"That's no good" sighs Arthur, "your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help."

"He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball?"

"Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight".

"Where did it go?" says Arthur.

"I don't remember!"

:) :) :)
 
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"Lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't lika guns - Howzabout you leava me your Rolex watch instead?"

"Shuddup an lissin. Somma day you gonna runna da business, you gonna have a beautifula wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a couple a bambinos.
Somma day you gonna comma home and maybe find you wife inna bed with another man.
Whadda you gonna do then - pointa to you watch and say "Time's up"???
 
Quote from flytiger:

From the "when I'm weary, feelin' downnnnnnnnnnn" dept.

I go to my inbox, and I see this uplifting message:

Elizabeth Holcomb Outsized schlong for you and your gf!þ 8:16 AM 4 KB

You see. When you least expect it, someone will show up and show you a kindness, and it will make your day.
More...

As soon as my Elizabeth Holcomb Outsized schlong pills arrived in the mail, I opened the bottle to find that the safety seal was broken.

Then I started to get nervous. A lethal dose of penis pills would be one of the worst ways to die, because you know they would have to mention it in the obituary.

There were several enclosures with the penis pills, including a sheet of instructions. Imagine my shock and horror when I read instruction #3:

The instructions said I would have to tug my penis for five minutes a day. This is more time than I was planning on spending on my penis.


Stay tuned...
 
Quote from nutmeg:

As soon as my Elizabeth Holcomb Outsized schlong pills arrived in the mail, I opened the bottle to find that the safety seal was broken.

Then I started to get nervous. A lethal dose of penis pills would be one of the worst ways to die, because you know they would have to mention it in the obituary.

There were several enclosures with the penis pills, including a sheet of instructions. Imagine my shock and horror when I read instruction #3:

The instructions said I would have to tug my penis for five minutes a day. This is more time than I was planning on spending on my penis.


Stay tuned...
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you mean, you actually let go???? I'm the best one handed typist in the SE. Bar none...

On another topic, I've probably been thrown out of more classrooms than any student in America. That diabetes add where they go ........" you don't have to prick your finger..." How do you let a line like that go? How do you not snicker, do the Carlin bit. a thousand years from now, if we don't kill each other, Carling will be remembered for ......... "it's ok to prick your finger....... but..."
 
Quote from nutmeg:

What did the dentist see at the North Pole?...A molar bear
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You realize,of course, this thread means you can never run for President????

It's not the dirty ones that 'll get you. It's this last one. It's so fucking bad, you couldn't buy a vote after that one.:D
 
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