LOL, I actually remember that...geez, how old AM I? You guys crack me up.
Don
Jokes 2
- Thread starter gwb-trading
- Start date
LOL, I actually remember that...geez, how old AM I? You guys crack me up.
Don
See if you can find an old Disney "SwampFox". Leslie with brown hair, circa 1956.
I was thinking about you, Don. That SAC trading model, you know the one with the female hormones to tame the "aggressiveness" of the trader?
I'm working on a Prop model for you, so you can incorporate that into Bright Trading.
I'm pitchering a room full of men with no body hair, just raking in the dough. You could film the Christmas party, and sell the tape to Vivid Video.
Just a thought. You don't have to thank me.
How cum they dind't let you play Queen Elizabeth in Naked Gun 2 1/2?????
I was thinking about you, Don. That SAC trading model, you know the one with the female hormones to tame the "aggressiveness" of the trader?
I'm working on a Prop model for you, so you can incorporate that into Bright Trading.
I'm pitchering a room full of men with no body hair, just raking in the dough. You could film the Christmas party, and sell the tape to Vivid Video.
Just a thought. You don't have to thank me.
How cum they dind't let you play Queen Elizabeth in Naked Gun 2 1/2?????
From regrettheerror.com, their year's best news corrections.....
The Independent, London:
"Following the portrait of Tony and Cherie Blair published on 21 April
in the Independent Saturday magazine, Ms Blair's representatives have
told us that she was friendly with but never had a relationship with
Carole Caplin of the type suggested in the article. They want to make it
clear, which we are happy to do, that Ms Blair "has never shared a
shower with Ms Caplin, was not introduced to spirit guides or primal
wrestling by Ms Caplin (or anyone else), and did not have her diary
masterminded by Ms Caplin."
The Sentinel-Review (Woodstock, Ontario):
In an article in Monday's newspaper, there may have been a misperception
about why a Woodstock man is going to Afghanistan on a voluntary
mission. Kevin DeClark is going to Afghanistan to gain life experience
to become a police officer when he returns, not to shoot guns and blow
things up.
Slate:
In the May 25 "Explainer," Michelle Tsai asserted that an eight ball is
about 10 lines of cocaine. While the size of a line depends on personal
preference, most users would divide an eight ball into more than 25
lines.
The Independent, London:
"Following the portrait of Tony and Cherie Blair published on 21 April
in the Independent Saturday magazine, Ms Blair's representatives have
told us that she was friendly with but never had a relationship with
Carole Caplin of the type suggested in the article. They want to make it
clear, which we are happy to do, that Ms Blair "has never shared a
shower with Ms Caplin, was not introduced to spirit guides or primal
wrestling by Ms Caplin (or anyone else), and did not have her diary
masterminded by Ms Caplin."
The Sentinel-Review (Woodstock, Ontario):
In an article in Monday's newspaper, there may have been a misperception
about why a Woodstock man is going to Afghanistan on a voluntary
mission. Kevin DeClark is going to Afghanistan to gain life experience
to become a police officer when he returns, not to shoot guns and blow
things up.
Slate:
In the May 25 "Explainer," Michelle Tsai asserted that an eight ball is
about 10 lines of cocaine. While the size of a line depends on personal
preference, most users would divide an eight ball into more than 25
lines.
Christmas gifts for men...
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. ÂgHey George, can I borrow your ratchet?Âh ÂgOK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?Âh Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4:
Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldnÂft have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. IÂfm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #7:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. ÂgSocks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.Âh You get the idea. No one knows why. (ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!)
Rule #8:
Never buy a man anything that says Âgsome assembly requiredÂh on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.
Rule #9:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent menÂfs stores.) It doesnÂft matter if he doesnÂft know what it is. (ÂhFrom NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! IsnÂft this a starter for a Âe68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.Âh)
Rule #10:
Men enjoy danger. ThatÂfs why they never cook - but they will barbecue. (No one knows why) Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. ÂgOh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?Âh
Rule #11:
Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to ÂgA Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.Âh Everyone knows why.
Rule #12:
Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you donÂft know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #13:
ItÂfs hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #14:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8ÂÂ manila rope. No one knows why.
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. ÂgHey George, can I borrow your ratchet?Âh ÂgOK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?Âh Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4:
Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldnÂft have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #6:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after-shave or deodorant. IÂfm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #7:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. ÂgSocks. Shorts. Cups. saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.Âh You get the idea. No one knows why. (ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!)
Rule #8:
Never buy a man anything that says Âgsome assembly requiredÂh on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over. No one knows why.
Rule #9:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also excellent menÂfs stores.) It doesnÂft matter if he doesnÂft know what it is. (ÂhFrom NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! IsnÂft this a starter for a Âe68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.Âh)
Rule #10:
Men enjoy danger. ThatÂfs why they never cook - but they will barbecue. (No one knows why) Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. ÂgOh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?Âh
Rule #11:
Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to ÂgA Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.Âh Everyone knows why.
Rule #12:
Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you donÂft know why - please refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #13:
ItÂfs hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #14:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8ÂÂ manila rope. No one knows why.
I was on contract to play "Fat Bastard" in Austin Powers, LOL.
Now for a scary photo, guess who Santa is? Yep, you're right, LOL.
Let's get today over with, have a great opening on Triple witch tomorrow, and get on with Christmas. I'm bored to tears.
Don
You know..my grandmother has alzheimer's. Last year at the christmas dinner, she thought it was a great idea to fill her purse with trinkets from around the house. Pretty much anything she could get a hold of.
She almost made it home were it not for my cousin hearing a bunch of metal and glass clanging together when he was helping her out of the car.
Point is my whole family thinks I'm such a humanitarian because I take her to Best Buy every so often...
twas the nite before Christmas
and all thru the house,
not a creature was stirring
cuz Grandpa was tight
Some bourbon, some scotch, some vodka some tonic
Then he saw Grandma and wanted to frolic
He chased her she dodged,
he dove and she scampered
When his pants fell down,
his movement was hampered
But he caught her and groped
and ripped off her buttons
But it was all for nought,
The viagra did nuttin'.
Burma Shave
and all thru the house,
not a creature was stirring
cuz Grandpa was tight
Some bourbon, some scotch, some vodka some tonic
Then he saw Grandma and wanted to frolic
He chased her she dodged,
he dove and she scampered
When his pants fell down,
his movement was hampered
But he caught her and groped
and ripped off her buttons
But it was all for nought,
The viagra did nuttin'.
Burma Shave