Johnny Rock's comeback

[speedo]

Once again @lawrence-lugar has graced us with his presence.

JR: Thanks for stopping by Sugar.

LL: My paper trading options system has been firing on all cylinders. How is your trading going Jo Ro?

JR: I wish I knew. The market has been giving away gold bricks and my system is melting pennies for the scrap value.

LL: Options are the way to go! Sort of like a relationship.

JR: You know how I like to keep my options open! Btw, congrats!! That's a huge confidence booster!

LL: For me or for you?

JR: All of ET! Although it does sort of throw a monkey wrench in the whole idea of karma, reaping what you sow.

LL: Look, I am not here to discuss my indiscretions in a Walmart parking lot.

JR: Speaking of parked cars. Have you tried out Amazon's car delivery service. They will deliver lotion directly to your car.

LL: Not after last week they won't. I found a hot deal on some pink panties that contrasted well with my black 911 key. I got the party pack that includes lube and a giant dildo.

JR: From Amazon?

LL: Of course. I wanted to try out the car delivery service. Anyway, I got a little worked up in anticipation.

JR: At least you weren't at Walmart!

LL: Of course I was. I had my eye on a lactating lady. Right as I was about to finish a Fed Ex truck pulls in beside me. He busts open my door and I splooged all over this brand new Rolex I acquired.

JR: Let me see that watch.

[Larry Sugar grins as he shows off his new time piece.]

JR: That's not a real Rolex!

LL: Of course it is. What makes you think its fake?

JR: The second hand is ticking. A real rolex has a smooth second hand that just spins.

LL: Whatever! This watch is as smooth as I am.

JR: Well, we agree on that! Hey, we've got to go, but I read today that Uranus smells like rotten eggs.

LL: You didn't expect my butt to smell like flowers, did you?!

JR: Touche!! Smooth, as always. Thanks for stopping by Sugar! You are definitely a fan favorite.

 

[speedo]

Actually tho JR, an automatic (mechanical jeweled self-winding movement) does tick although it may be subtle. It's a quartz movement that is perfectly smooth.

 

[johnnyrock]

Actually tho JR, an automatic (mechanical jeweled self-winding movement) does tick although it may be subtle. It's a quartz movement that is perfectly smooth.

Nice! I actually found a fake Rolex once and now I can only wonder. It ticked. Hmmm.

 

[speedo]

Nice! I actually found a fake Rolex once and now I can only wonder. It ticked. Hmmm.

There are a ton of knockoffs out there with mechanical movements. They typically have a short life however.

 

[speedo]

And of course, someone could put a decent but cheaper movement such as a Seiko into a real Rolex case and pass it off as genuine.

 

[johnnyrock]

And of course, someone could put a decent but cheaper movement such as a Seiko into a real Rolex case and pass it off as genuine.

If that's what is was it would have been worth keeping. I found it in the trash. Although, my bet is it was the cheapest knockoff. I can't imagine they would have thrown it away if it was even a Seiko in the Rolex case.

 

[speedo]

If that's what is was it would have been worth keeping. I found it in the trash. Although, my bet is it was the cheapest knockoff. I can't imagine they would have thrown it away if it was even a Seiko in the Rolex case.

 

[vanzandt]

I found it in the trash.

 

[speedo]

Surf bought a shoe box of them from a guy in the alley.....in fact surf would have made a good Seinfield character.

 

[johnnyrock]

My DM box is rapidly filling with inquiries regarding @lawrence-lugar. To be quite honest I am surprised by the volume of ladies asking if he is single. Who knew? I guess its true; the ladies certainly love vegetarian bad boys!!

I have decided to forego debt reduction and have a private eye - he hates it when he is called a private dick - tail Larry Sugar. Contrary to my request for videos, this low budget private eye - who really is a dick! - only sent a transcript of the meeting. He said something about protecting the anonymity of the members of thus 12 step group. In fact I am only allowed to generically refer to it as the Sexual Addicts Group. Names must be withheld.

I am all for protecting those ladies but what about ET? We have an unrepentant Cosby on our hands; who knows what Larry Sugar has on his hands. [Even writing that sentence gave me the shivers.]

SAG: Welcome to Thursday nights newcomer meeting. No crosstalk allowed. We also would appreciate it if the newcomers would just listen. We have experts in this room. They have traveled the road you wish to embark on and we find it most useful if you listen.

[A sweaty, greasy hand is raised.]

SAG: Sir, before you ask your question, please refrain from doing the Al Bundy.

LL: What is the Al Bundy?

SAG: Keep your hands where we can see them. We get a lot of pervs here!

LL: I am no perv. If it wasn't for that court order I would be at Walmart!! They are having a sale on breast feeding pumps. Hmmm.

SAG: Sir. Do you mind. Please listen.

LL: Look, you are not the only group in town. I also belong to Elite Trader. Newbies rule the roost! Besides, I am an expert!!

SAG: Please share. What's your story?

LL: I am a 29 year old virgin who takes care of my Mom and Dad.

SAG: How noble! How can we help you sir?

LL: Help me? I am here to help you!!

SAG: How so, sir?

LL: Call me Sugar. Anyway I have read a couple of blog posts on sexual addiction. I think sexual addictiin applies more to @johnnyrock than it does to me.

SAG: No names please. Anonymity. We must protect it. We have careers and families.

LL: I have a family too! They are very proud of me.

[Sugar tosses his panty key ring on the table. Several women are triggered. They secrete love juices. The pregnant lady visibly lactates.]

SAG: Sugar. Please. I have eight years of sexual sobriety. Cerebral noteriety. Don't make me weak like that.

LL: Don't worry. While most of you were getting laid in your Mom's basement after school I took an oath to save myself.

[The smell of sex is in the air. My private eye assures me that Larry Sugar's hands remained on his lap where everyone could see them.]

SAG: You are saving yourself for marriage? Why are you here? To tempt us?

LL: Not at all. Fuck marriage! I am saving myself for my Porsche 911. For now I am just jacking off in my Dodge neon.

[Laughter erupts.]

SAG: Sugar. You know women want what they can't have. I have a feeling I will be picking up a pink chip tomorrow.

LL: I thought it was a white chip?

SAG: Not here. Have you ever seen a labia?

LL: On t.v.

SAG: Once again. Why are you here? To mock us?

LL: Nah. I save that for ET. But, I can help!

SAG: The hour is almost gone. We still have a group prayer. Can you make it quick?

LL: Buy a Porsche to boost your confidence. Wear that phat Rolex so the chicks know you are loaded. And strap a pair of panties to your key ring! You bitches will be getting laid right and left!

SAG: Thanks for stopping by Larry. Ladies, please. Give this man's man some room to breathe. Besides, if anyone is going to 13 step this stud, it is me. Let's forego the group prayer. Larry, you are all mine!

***

My apologies for not offering video proof of this factual encounter. Like most things on ET, you will just have to take my word for it!