in over my head & looking for input

Quote from nursebee:

Good work on accomplishing your goal in getting married ahole!

Go see a shrink and someone that can teach you how to write better.

Focus on yourself, your problems, leave other alone.
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that is what life is all about; trying to achieve certain goals. you should do a better job of not extrapolating your own personal issues or hangups onto others. i don't need to see a shrink and just because i use all lower case letters does not mean i need to "write better."

however i concur it is important to focus on myself and my particular problems. but its a two-way street in a relationship. its not entirely my fault given the present condition of our relationship. it is something that is definitely reparable but will require both of our mutual interests and efforts. to make the kind of judgement you did would be narrow minded and foolish at best.

and if you are just looking to threadkrap and can not intelligibly contribute to this thread, please go elsewhere. no reason to call people names on a random message forum unless you are really twelve years old or something. thank you.
 
Quote from Redneck:

You wanted a kid… had a kid… now trying to shirk paying child support

Alimony be damned – as a father – you’re pathetic

Nut up and handle your responsibility

You brought a human into the world that had no say in the matter... nor anything to do with this mess you two made

Fuck

RN
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you are totally missing the point. that is not what i am trying to do. i increased her account by $450K. i am legally entitled to half of that. however i do NOT wish to take it. based on the disparity of our incomes, my actual child support would not nearly be as much over time to the present value lump sum of the $450K.

i was just looking for folks who have had a possible similar experience in a scenario where they were managing their spouse's account, made them some equity over time, and a worst case scenario happened. what kind of considerations occurred.

that is the simple point to this thread. i am not getting divorced tomorrow, nor looking to duck out on any responsibility for my child. i should have just simple stated that question above in two sentences because obviously folks are coming to their own conclusions on my particular circumstances.

as i stated, my child is the biggest blessing that has every happened in my entire life. will not "dodge" anything in this matter for any reason.

this thread is going to be a huge fail for certain. oh well.
 
Opposites do attract and that can be a good thing. My wife and I are very different in terms of personality and interests. Those differences have kept our marriage fun and interesting for 20 years, but it's not what keeps us together. Despite our differences, we have the same values. We've never had a major disagreement on the big things, like how to raise our children. If husband and wife don't share the same basic values, I don't see how the marriage can survive.
 
Quote from tomdavis:

Opposites do attract and that can be a good thing. My wife and I are very different in terms of personality and interests. Those differences have kept our marriage fun and interesting for 20 years, but it's not what keeps us together. Despite our differences, we have the same values. We've never had a major disagreement on the big things, like how to raise our children. If husband and wife don't share the same basic values, I don't see how the marriage can survive.
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thank you for your positive contribution to this thread i appreciate it. i completely agree with what you said.

the only difference with our scenario is a little bit of the personality factor. some of the "differences" between us can become very irritating over time, based on the personality and temperament traits of the individual.
 
Quote from mgookin:

A judge is never going to sign off on any agreement that does not include child support. Every state has a formula. Look up the formula for your state.

As to that account which has been managed by one (or both) parties to a marraige, that is a joint marital asset. It's half hers and half yours. The only difference would be if it were funded by inheritance in which case the baseline inheritance which funded it would not be a marital asset but the gains would be a marital asset.

It sounds like you're ready for divorce. I didn't hear you mention that she is or that you and she are talking about it openly. I suggest you solve your problems. Divorce and broken families are bigger problems than what you are dealing with.

There has been first hand smoke, second hand smoke, all kinds of smoke forever. While there is some merit to it, keep in mind everyone with an agenda usually wears a tin foil hat and magnifies and distorts what they preach. That "third hand smoke" whatever that is, is not going to kill your kid today or tomorrow. Let it go. Kiss and make up. Wish her a Merry Christmas.
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forgot to mention you also have some great points and input there. thank you again for taking time to post here. i appreciate it.
 
If you look at any given prison population, I'm sure you'd see most or all of them come from broken families. Your kid is sure to rot under a stepfather. At the teen years or earlier, he's going to start the "you're not my father" rant and turn to drugs and elsewhere for comfort.

Fix your marriage. Be big and accept some blame and commit to better relations going forward.
 
Your priorities are out of whack...

1) Focus on your child. This is WHY you got married is it not?

Is it possible for this child to thrive in a happy household if you and your wife seek professional guidance on the issues you have? If you have WORKED hard to establish a good relationship with your wife but still are totally unhappy in your marriage and chose to file for a divorce then PUT YOUR CHILD'S WELFARE ABOVE YOURS. Hire a good divorce attorney and set up family divorce counseling.

Everything else in your post is just trivial.
 
Quote from mgookin:

If you look at any given prison population, I'm sure you'd see most or all of them come from broken families. Your kid is sure to rot under a stepfather. At the teen years or earlier, he's going to start the "you're not my father" rant and turn to drugs and elsewhere for comfort.

Fix your marriage. Be big and accept some blame and commit to better relations going forward.
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Good advise about fixing the marriage, except it's not a given about step kids growing up bad.
 
I'm saying this for the benefit of readers, the OP can't benefit from it much.

Some basic education in Myers' Briggs personality typing is a huge, huge step towards finding compatibility in anything..

I was dating a very, very attractive woman a few years back, a model.. INFJ was her personality type... Our relationship could be extremely uncomfortable at best since I'm an ENTP. I was learning Myers Briggs so eventually I had to tell her to leave me the hell alone if she was going to continually be such an asshole about things. Myers Briggs accomplished for me in a few weeks what a lifetime of discomfort and attorneys could not... Since then I have a conversation with nearly everyone I meet about whether they are Introvert/Extrovert, Intuitive/Sensing, Feeling/Thinking, Judgemental/not or I can just observe them in conversation and get a feel for it. They like to find out who they are and are never recalcitrant in sorting that out and I can sort through masses of people to find the ones I want to associate with. Introverts? Why would I try to relate to people that don't relate to people? Judgemental assholes? Why bother with opinions from people when I just want to get things accomplished? Feelings? Feelings are fine, no less accurate or inaccurate than thinking for the most part and much quicker than thinking... Not intuitive? BORING... I'm one happy f^&king camper nowadays, my girlfriend, not as beautiful as the model maybe but she's so far, far better for me. Supports me in ways I didn't know existed... Men hooked up with women that don't support them are in a personal hell, most don't get it...
 
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