Here's another Livermore quote:
"What beat me was not having brains enough to stick to my own game- that is, to play the market only when I was satisfied that precedents favored my play. There is a time for all things, but I didn't know it.
And that is precisely what beats so many men in Wall Street who are very far from being in the main sucker class. There is the plain fool, who does the wrong thing at all times everywhere, but there is the Wall Street fool, who thinks he must trade all the time. No man can always have adequate reasons for buying or selling stocks daily- or sufficient knowledge to make his play an intelligent play."
The whole book is here:
http://www.nowandfutures.com/large/Reminiscences_of_a_Stock_Operator_Jesse_Livermore.pdf
Personally, I think I am unable to find the mental balance needed to trade discretionary and make money consistently. Jesse Livermore wasn't either - he kept on losing everything over and over, just like me. (Sure, he was extremely gifted and between bankruptcies he made millions from nothing). I am too far from being calm and rational to ever be able to reach that emotional balance. That is why since years ago I have been working on developing a fully automated trading system. Now the only problem left is really accepting that I must do nothing at all and let the system work.
I am starting to doubt that the real reason I interfere with my system (and losing as a consequence) is to try and make more money. I think boredom, but also guilt could be part of the problem. Maybe I am not ready to see myself become successful, not so easily, not so fast, not so much. So I sabotage myself. Maybe. I also noticed that if I go to sleep at 11 pm, the next day I am very rested, and I feel great. But guess what - I can only do it once a week. Somehow I feel guilty or at least uncomfortable going to bed early and feeling perfectly rested the next day. I had a very strict (problematic) Catholic upbringing. It seems to me that my parents tried to teach that I should feel guilty for being happy (while others aren't).
Maybe I am less nervous and more comfortable being a so-so trader, that neither loses nor makes money (first making it with the system, then losing it with my own trades), and who feels he's ABOUT to make it big, but never actually makes it big. Also, I noticed that the more money I make the more I try to spend it, as if an increasing bank account made me uncomfortable. I treat colleagues out to lunch, to expensive restaurants, trying to bring my balance in my savings account back to zero, where it's been for a long time. These are the same colleagues I am telling every day "in a few months I will quit the job, because I'll be rich".
