Inspired yet again by $$MrMarket$$, I am working on a Manliness Index. In these times where most activity has been relentlessly feminized, extremely manly men like $$MrMarket$$ and yours truly are often frustrated by the need to demonstrate one's superior manliness in socially tolerated ways. I think we can all agree that we desperately need an objective measure of true manliness. This could have important implications for everyday activity, for example online dating. By screening potential dates by MI, women would be able to avoid the frustration of going out with Alan Alda wimp types. I can envision a time when companies will routinely expect to see an applicant's MI on his resume. Obviously, there are important apllications in politics as well. As a nation we could avoid the humiliation of having any more Jimmy Carter/Bill Clinton girlie men presidents.
Of course, as in many activities the devil is in the details. Some traditional measures of manliness are just too subjective. For example making a babe squeal like a pig is definitely an important manly trait, but how can we ever expect to measure the intensity of the squealing? It would also be necessary to adjust for the propensity of some women to squeal with less provocation than others, not that AAA has ever had any trouble getting them to annoy the neighbors. So, regretfully, that is out.
Luckily, we do have objective measures of most of the most important manly traits. I think we can all agree that such things as strength, athletic ability, what we drive and earning ability are manly, and anyone deficient in these areas might consider getting a testosterone patch from their physician.
Thus, the official MI will be derived by the following calculation: (Max bench press/body weight)*100 + (max golf drive-10*handicap) + (total number of cylinders in vehicles owned)*(10*sum of vehicles that are motorcycles, trucks, stickshift sports cars, airplanes or boats) + max annual earnings/1000.
Are you manly? Rate yourself by the following handy scale.
MI value Rating
>1000 MrMarket territory, you rule dude
750-1000 Men respect you, women crave you
500-750 You have female friends and kids like you
250-500 You defer to women in most matters
<250 Your dog is embarrassed by you
Of course, as in many activities the devil is in the details. Some traditional measures of manliness are just too subjective. For example making a babe squeal like a pig is definitely an important manly trait, but how can we ever expect to measure the intensity of the squealing? It would also be necessary to adjust for the propensity of some women to squeal with less provocation than others, not that AAA has ever had any trouble getting them to annoy the neighbors. So, regretfully, that is out.
Luckily, we do have objective measures of most of the most important manly traits. I think we can all agree that such things as strength, athletic ability, what we drive and earning ability are manly, and anyone deficient in these areas might consider getting a testosterone patch from their physician.
Thus, the official MI will be derived by the following calculation: (Max bench press/body weight)*100 + (max golf drive-10*handicap) + (total number of cylinders in vehicles owned)*(10*sum of vehicles that are motorcycles, trucks, stickshift sports cars, airplanes or boats) + max annual earnings/1000.
Are you manly? Rate yourself by the following handy scale.
MI value Rating
>1000 MrMarket territory, you rule dude
750-1000 Men respect you, women crave you
500-750 You have female friends and kids like you
250-500 You defer to women in most matters
<250 Your dog is embarrassed by you
