I might be. There's a fair amount of trolls that just repeat fossilized narratives. Not sure why someone who isn't interested in being more involved with crypto would just troll crypto forums without attempting to understand emerging digital markets.
As for your question about smart contracts, they are settled with each newly mined block on a blockchain.
A DEX like Uniswap is a smart contract that uses a different pricing mechanism than the matching engine of an CEX. Both are deployed as software code, the main distinction between the two are the concepts of decentralization, trust-less, permission-less, immutability, and pseudo-anonymity. Both can liquidate your position (without human intervention) depending on where and how you've deployed your digital assets.
Your question might be more about understanding the development and capabilities of oracles as they span the gap between blockchain digital assets and meatspace processes and information feeds.