I want to thank you all for your comments on this thread.
To those who critisized me, you are correct. I definitely deserve it. To those with kind words, I lower my head in shame but thankful for your compassion.
My story is coming, perhaps tomorrow. It's late, 12 midnight, just got off work.
My story is more about my personal journey rather than specifics about losing money in the stockmarket.
I'm going public about this only because I feel it will help me come to grips more with what I have done, and perhaps speed up or help me change. Not because I want to prove anything, teach anything, etc.
I also want to apologize for deceiving the participants here by not saying I blew up earlier, and talking hocus pocus shit.
Will I ever trade again? Maybe, maybe not. If I choose not too, it will be for other reasons besides no money, no confidence etc. It will be because I am too shamed by my actions.
I have felt the importance of everything in life fade away. All except my character, what I have done, and how I have hurt others. Things which I have never considered important before.