How hot does a woman have to be for it to be worth being monogamous with her?
- Thread starter Ghost of Cutten
- Start date
I think you can tell very early on if you are either interested in a woman or if you are going to be. Without that "element x," which differs from one person to the next, there is no going forward unless you are just biding time at her expense. I think there are relatively few exceptions to this rule. That's not to say that this attraction is sufficient to sustain a relationship. But it is an essential component of a happy and fulfilling one. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
It's misspelled. It's LUST as first sight!!
The fullness of time, indeed. Who can measure something which is so relative?
I don't disagree with you for the most part. I just think it's a mistake to try and pigeonhole everyone into the same model of what has come to be generally accepted. People are different and what works for one will be abject failure for another. We can probably agree that one is damn lucky to find a partner with whom you share similar desires, hopes, and dreams. And still luckier yet to have that relationship stand the test of time.
That said, a nice ass will overcome many obstacles to a lasting relationship.
Perhaps I'm just guessing, but I think "open" relationships are more prone to eventual breakdown and failure than "closed" ones.
Stated differently, you're saying all's well that ends well.Quote from CaptainObvious:
...That said, a nice ass will overcome many obstacles to a lasting relationship.
Note "choices", plural
Statistically, what is usually associated with the thought of monogamous relationship (i.e. MARRIAGE) ends over 50% in divorce.
Though I bet they almost all started with the idea of being monogamous....
Though I bet they almost all started with the idea of being monogamous....
I agree that if a woman doesn't have the hots for you right from the start, forget it. Even if you seduce her, she'll get bored. Whereas women who are interested in you strongly from the start, will stay interested. Even if you break up, and then go out with someone else, they'll still want to meet you again. So in that sense, 'love at first sight' (aka lust at first sight) works.
I would add the caveat that compatible personality is also necessary for long-term serious stuff. If someone is smoking hot but a pain in the arse, the most you can enjoy is some temporary pleasure, you can't have a happy relationship with them.
So the rule would be - never settle down with someone unless you both feel lust at first sight, and you have a harmonious personality match. In all other cases, keep things strictly no strings attached, enjoy the pleasure but don't let the emotions get involved. If you can't stay aloof in those situations, then better to just stay single and only have brief encounters, while you bide your time waiting for the right person.
At all costs, one must avoid getting into less than ideal relationships - you or her will get bored eventually, and either be unhappy or get cheated on; and while in a relationship, if you ever *do* meet someone suitable, you are hamstrung in pursuing them. It would suck to be in a boring relationship, and then miss out on an ideal partner because you were not single and fully free to pursue.
So, the ideal course seems to be live the life of a playboy, intending never to settle down - that way, you will only settle down if you meet someone sufficiently interesting that it actually looks better to settle down with them than to continue your roving life. Whereas if you live looking for a relationship, you will probably take the first 'reasonable' option that comes along, and that is unlikely to be good enough to last.
It's a bit like shopping - if you go out looking for a pair of shoes, you'll buy the first half-decent pair you see. Whereas if you just window shop with no intention of buying, you will only buy something that truly stands out.
The reason is that one or both people 'settle' for someone they are not that into. Or one or both are simply unsuited to monogamy. The result is one or both get bored after a while - maybe 10 years for some, 10 weeks for others.
In the anglo-saxon countries they cheat and divorce, most places elsewhere they cheat and stay together unhappily, in France they have a 'cinq a sept' agreement that they can both screw around but keep it discrete.
The way to avoid this is to refuse to settle, and if you are not monogamous, then either don't get married, or marry someone who is ok with your sleeping around from time to time.
Well you don't have to have a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy. You could just openly state it up front that you aren't capable of fidelity - would solve a lot of problems. And there are other options like finding bisexual women who enjoy threesomes with you and other random women. Hard to see that getting boring