The only non-fixed component affecting the S&P500 future vs the index is upcoming dividends.
The future is nothing more than Spot Index + interest component - dividends...
So yes, there is a bit of elasticity, but that's easily arbitraged by HFT etc through the EFP (exchange for physical) and just the index-basket....
You are right though, in saying that either one could move first. Usually in large market moves, like just now with Syria, is the future that moves first (also of course because the cash market is closed) and underlyings follow. Futures are a quick and easy way to long/short the market.... also it's liquidity is larger than the underlying index components.
But if say, a large company in an index moves big on company specific news... that will probably lead the future up or down.