Handling people who constantly let you down.

[Baron]

Just some daily food for thought: If you're like me and you've struggled with "friends", significant others, and family members constantly letting you down, then take a second to consider the following: Maybe the problem isn't them, it's you. In other words, perhaps your expectations of those around you is simply too high. You want so bad for them to step up and be more... be better than they've ever been, but they just continually plod along being themselves... which just isn't good enough in your eyes because you know they have so much more potential.

So if you're like me, you either stay in a perpetually frustrated state for years and years, sometimes even letting that frustration turn into anger, or you eventually take a step back, ratchet your expectations down, and start loving those people for who they were created to be instead of who you desperately want them to become. And if you do that, you will experience more joyful relationships in all areas of your life, even with those people who you previously thought were hopelessly distant.

 

[trendlover]

I really do not think you can be "frustrated state for years and years" for your family and friends. No. I think you do not appreciate what you achieve. You do not see all you accomplish, so you want more all the time.

 

[maxpi]

Study Myers Briggs personality types. Eventually you will know who you are and that all the people around you don't think the way you do. You will understand them a lot better and rather than having "higher" or "lower" expectations you will have appropriate expectations. I tried to date an INFJ. One characteristic is that "they do things without regard for other people's feelings"... that is a very understated way to say "you can't really expect a goddam thing from them" and that proved itself out a few times before we ever got serious and I told the biattch to go away and stay away. It's just way better to sort out people, keep the ones that make sense to you close and keep most of them away.

Study childhood development and learn to recognize the people that failed at each of the steps along the way. Psychopaths, autistic, narcissists, etc... just keep them away and expect nothing from them at all, it will just never materialize.

 

[BSAM]

Brother Baron...

1. Stop being a perfectionist.

2. Stop depending on (as in putting too much faith in) mere people.

3. Keep everyone at a distance until they prove what they are really about.

4. Have fun and enjoy your time, regardless of all the naysayers.

5. Ride a bicycle.

6. Go to Southern California and Northern New Mexico as much as possible.

7. Be a McCartney fan and a Lakers fan.

8. Get a Golden Retriever. (You'll forget about people.)

9. Study the Constitution.

10. Never vote for a Democrat or a Republican.

11. Obama is a communist.

 

[Yannis]

Just some daily food for thought: If you're like me and you've struggled with "friends", significant others, and family members constantly letting you down, ...

Which reminds me... can't be too cautious!

 

[hughb]

Baron

Just some daily food for thought: If you're like me and you've struggled with "friends", significant others, and family members constantly letting you down, then take a second to consider the following: Maybe the problem isn't them, it's you. In other words, perhaps your expectations of those around you is simply too high. You want so bad for them to step up and be more... be better than they've ever been, but they just continually plod along being themselves... which just isn't good enough in your eyes because you know they have so much more potential.

So if you're like me, you either stay in a perpetually frustrated state for years and years, sometimes even letting that frustration turn into anger, or you eventually take a step back, ratchet your expectations down, and start loving those people for who they were created to be instead of who you desperately want them to become. And if you do that, you will experience more joyful relationships in all areas of your life, even with those people who you previously thought were hopelessly distant.

Bolded for emphasis. Exactly right, and I came to the same conclusion myself years ago.

And - there are others who have their own expectations of you. Gently help them realize that you can not be who they want you to be, but you love them none the less.