good larf!
"If you worried about inflation in the developed world OR want to get really
depressed, here is a gem from a purported sportswriter for the Times.
Goodbye to rip-off Britain
With the crunch coming, the articial inflation in the economy will soon be
exposedMartin Samuel
There is a guy, does business up town, doesn't use his car much, bit of a novice
when it comes to scooting around London. Anyway, a few weeks back he has
complications with late meetings so, for a couple of days, he drives in. First
time, schoolboy error, he forgets to pay the congestion charge, incurs a £60
fine right there. His parking for the day comes to roughly £40 in an NCP. Next
time, he remembers the congestion charge, but leaves his car on the street,
doing the parking meter tango, feeding it, moving it, feeding it, moving it, £8
here, £6 there, until finally he gets really busy, overruns by five minutes and,
bang, a £100 penalty. He reckons the whole experience, with petrol, of two
days' motoring will have cost close to £300. He's a wealthy man, he can afford
it; but suppose he was an ordinary working stiff from the sticks, bringing in
the average wage? That could be his disposable income, after the mortgage, gone.
For two innocent, pretty harmless, mistakes. This is why Gordon Brown is in
trouble.
The economy is false. The economy is a lie. The economy is a fictional set of
numbers cooked up during a boom period that is almost over, and six months from
now nothing will add up. The cost of a parking ticket grew to be completely
disproportionate in relation to the offence committed because everyone was
sawing it off, so nobody cared. Some twerp slapped a sticker demanding one
hundred notes for a minuscule oversight on your windscreen and you knew it was
preposterous, but you could afford it. And now you can't. And now you are going
to realise how overpriced and bogus the minutiae of British life are, and Gordon
is panicking because there is no way he can make this sustainable; yet the
artifice of commerce and government relies on your expanding wallet.
If, while waiting for the clampers to arrive, having paid your £100 release fee
plus £60 fine plus VAT, you pop into Starbucks for a cup of coffee, you will be
charged close on £2. For coffee. Think about it, because so few have. We read
about sub-prime mortgage markets and global credit squeezes and receive the deep
thoughts of financial experts that have caught a cold in every recession for
the past 50 years, which is why the benefits from your endowment mortgage will
just about cover a self-assembly greenhouse from Homebase, but nobody notices
the details. Coffee, two quid. No rationalisation. No justification. In a
recession, nobody can drop two quid for a hot drink three times a day, five days
a week. Bottled water the same: £1.60 for 500ml to take away at Caff
Nero on
Monday. And everyone has a sip. Our lives are full of inflated expenses that are
propping up Brown's fairyland economy and, when the penny drops, this crash
will be the mightiest ever. No wonder he looks scared.
For so long we have not given this stuff a thought. My favourite football club
charges a £1.50 booking fee on each ticket, so if I take my three boys we pay an
additional £6. These tickets will be placed in one envelope and sent to one
address, so the charge cannot cover postage or packing. I am actually paying a
ticket office extra to sell tickets. It would be like a greengrocer applying a
levy for dispensing fruit and vegetables. Yet as this nonsense was introduced in
high times, nobody quibbled.
Pack up your troubles and fly away? I'll take my chances on the train, thanks
When a booking fee is demanded, we should ask the person on the end of the line
to send round a cheese sandwich instead. You know, do something that is not part
of the job, because that would be worth a tip. Clean the windows? Yeah, I'll
pay extra. But applying a surcharge so a ticket office can provide tickets? I'm
not seeing the value.
Brown got away with murder because he was Chancellor in the days when chimps
could make money. In May 1999, he sold half the country's gold reserves during a
20-year low in the market at an average price of $275 an ounce. Yesterday
morning the price of gold was approximately $946 an ounce. Brown bought euros
instead, which have done well, but even so the cost to the nation of this
mistake is measured in billions; and the only reason it has not been
immortalised as a catastrophe in the same way as, say, Black Wednesday is
because the population has been too busy hiring personal trainers and eating
fancy crisps (chardonnay wine vinegar flavour, firecracker lobster flavour,
patatas bravas, have you people gone nuts?) to care.
It costs more to download music from the same supplier in the United Kingdom
than it does in the United States. Consider that. No shipping, no additional
overheads, no reason the cost of the service shouldn't be identical. We are so
used to meeting inflated prices, it barely registers anymore. The
top-of-the-range Lexus hybrid costs £83,000 in the United Kingdom and £54,145 in
the United States. The wealth that keeps Brown's economy ticking over is a
mirage; it cannot survive the recession. And neither can he.
Not long ago I made a reservation at my favourite Chinese restaurant in town.
Bit pricey. A special occasion place, not your average local. They wanted credit
card details in advance with the right to charge £35 per head in the event of
any alteration to the booking. I refused. They would not reserve otherwise. I
very politely asked it to be explained to the manager that there was a recession
around the corner and the number of people looking to drop six figures on
noodles could be about to change quite dramatically. He might want to keep those
that do onside. The reservation was accepted, no credit card. He knew, you see.
So does Gordon. That is why he looks worried."
"If you worried about inflation in the developed world OR want to get really
depressed, here is a gem from a purported sportswriter for the Times.
Goodbye to rip-off Britain
With the crunch coming, the articial inflation in the economy will soon be
exposedMartin Samuel
There is a guy, does business up town, doesn't use his car much, bit of a novice
when it comes to scooting around London. Anyway, a few weeks back he has
complications with late meetings so, for a couple of days, he drives in. First
time, schoolboy error, he forgets to pay the congestion charge, incurs a £60
fine right there. His parking for the day comes to roughly £40 in an NCP. Next
time, he remembers the congestion charge, but leaves his car on the street,
doing the parking meter tango, feeding it, moving it, feeding it, moving it, £8
here, £6 there, until finally he gets really busy, overruns by five minutes and,
bang, a £100 penalty. He reckons the whole experience, with petrol, of two
days' motoring will have cost close to £300. He's a wealthy man, he can afford
it; but suppose he was an ordinary working stiff from the sticks, bringing in
the average wage? That could be his disposable income, after the mortgage, gone.
For two innocent, pretty harmless, mistakes. This is why Gordon Brown is in
trouble.
The economy is false. The economy is a lie. The economy is a fictional set of
numbers cooked up during a boom period that is almost over, and six months from
now nothing will add up. The cost of a parking ticket grew to be completely
disproportionate in relation to the offence committed because everyone was
sawing it off, so nobody cared. Some twerp slapped a sticker demanding one
hundred notes for a minuscule oversight on your windscreen and you knew it was
preposterous, but you could afford it. And now you can't. And now you are going
to realise how overpriced and bogus the minutiae of British life are, and Gordon
is panicking because there is no way he can make this sustainable; yet the
artifice of commerce and government relies on your expanding wallet.
If, while waiting for the clampers to arrive, having paid your £100 release fee
plus £60 fine plus VAT, you pop into Starbucks for a cup of coffee, you will be
charged close on £2. For coffee. Think about it, because so few have. We read
about sub-prime mortgage markets and global credit squeezes and receive the deep
thoughts of financial experts that have caught a cold in every recession for
the past 50 years, which is why the benefits from your endowment mortgage will
just about cover a self-assembly greenhouse from Homebase, but nobody notices
the details. Coffee, two quid. No rationalisation. No justification. In a
recession, nobody can drop two quid for a hot drink three times a day, five days
a week. Bottled water the same: £1.60 for 500ml to take away at Caff
Nero on
Monday. And everyone has a sip. Our lives are full of inflated expenses that are
propping up Brown's fairyland economy and, when the penny drops, this crash
will be the mightiest ever. No wonder he looks scared.
For so long we have not given this stuff a thought. My favourite football club
charges a £1.50 booking fee on each ticket, so if I take my three boys we pay an
additional £6. These tickets will be placed in one envelope and sent to one
address, so the charge cannot cover postage or packing. I am actually paying a
ticket office extra to sell tickets. It would be like a greengrocer applying a
levy for dispensing fruit and vegetables. Yet as this nonsense was introduced in
high times, nobody quibbled.
Pack up your troubles and fly away? I'll take my chances on the train, thanks
When a booking fee is demanded, we should ask the person on the end of the line
to send round a cheese sandwich instead. You know, do something that is not part
of the job, because that would be worth a tip. Clean the windows? Yeah, I'll
pay extra. But applying a surcharge so a ticket office can provide tickets? I'm
not seeing the value.
Brown got away with murder because he was Chancellor in the days when chimps
could make money. In May 1999, he sold half the country's gold reserves during a
20-year low in the market at an average price of $275 an ounce. Yesterday
morning the price of gold was approximately $946 an ounce. Brown bought euros
instead, which have done well, but even so the cost to the nation of this
mistake is measured in billions; and the only reason it has not been
immortalised as a catastrophe in the same way as, say, Black Wednesday is
because the population has been too busy hiring personal trainers and eating
fancy crisps (chardonnay wine vinegar flavour, firecracker lobster flavour,
patatas bravas, have you people gone nuts?) to care.
It costs more to download music from the same supplier in the United Kingdom
than it does in the United States. Consider that. No shipping, no additional
overheads, no reason the cost of the service shouldn't be identical. We are so
used to meeting inflated prices, it barely registers anymore. The
top-of-the-range Lexus hybrid costs £83,000 in the United Kingdom and £54,145 in
the United States. The wealth that keeps Brown's economy ticking over is a
mirage; it cannot survive the recession. And neither can he.
Not long ago I made a reservation at my favourite Chinese restaurant in town.
Bit pricey. A special occasion place, not your average local. They wanted credit
card details in advance with the right to charge £35 per head in the event of
any alteration to the booking. I refused. They would not reserve otherwise. I
very politely asked it to be explained to the manager that there was a recession
around the corner and the number of people looking to drop six figures on
noodles could be about to change quite dramatically. He might want to keep those
that do onside. The reservation was accepted, no credit card. He knew, you see.
So does Gordon. That is why he looks worried."
