Frequency of discussing wins/losses with spouse/partner

I think its fantastic that your wife (your best friend) is involved with your trading. She is living through you. You got married to share your lives together and her dreams and hopes are being manifested through you as her man.

I think many will be jealous of you. Cherish what you have.

Michael B (and Wifey)
 
In the beginning of full time trading it was a daily, or more often, question. Then every few days. After a few years now, she rarely asks, and even then it's just a general "howz it goin'?" from behind a magazine. I will bring it up if it's a really good or bad day, but we've both become pretty much numb to the daily p/l. Once I told her I was down like 12 grand and she didn't like that too much, but even rare occurences like that are forgotten after a day or two.
 
I'm in a long term relationship with a woman that is quite likely to end up becoming my wife, been doing a bit of trading over the past year with a small account to learn, won't be able to tackle seriously until university is done next spring.

At this point I am already preparing her for the fact that I am very interested in pursuing trading/investing as my long-term means of income, and that in the shorter term I would look at holding down a well paying part-time/half-time job.

I'm not sure how the discussions about money will go once I get into this in a serious manner, but I think the key will be for her to realize that we have financial stability (whether or not that means me working a traditional job), and I think she will support me in whatever I want to do so long as that is present. I'll have a university business degree in about a year, so if the trading bit doesn't work out I will still be quite capable of making a solid income, so there shouldn't be any big worries.
 
Quote from ElectricSavant:

Chagi you best laid plans will disappear...The day of you marriage, is the first day of the rest of your life.
More...

I certainly hope that you are wrong, and believe me, I won't be hopping into that particular venture (marriage) unless I'm sure that she will be able to support me (emotionally) in the things that I want to do with my life.

If she can't handle the fact that I want to be financially independant in the long term as opposed to chained down to a desk working 8-5 for someone else, I will need to find someone else that is capable of doing so.

Might sound a bit harsh, but I have a very clear picture of what I want to do with my life, and I need to find someone that is compatible with that. I think that I already have, but we will see.
 
Chagi,

I had everything all figured out how I was going to have my marriage too. I have been married for 17 years now, and believe me its not what you think.

Michael B.

Quote from Chagi:

I certainly hope that you are wrong, and believe me, I won't be hopping into that particular venture (marriage) unless I'm sure that she will be able to support me (emotionally) in the things that I want to do with my life.

If she can't handle the fact that I want to be financially independant in the long term as opposed to chained down to a desk working 8-5 for someone else, I will need to find someone else that is capable of doing so.

Might sound a bit harsh, but I have a very clear picture of what I want to do with my life, and I need to find someone that is compatible with that. I think that I already have, but we will see.
More...
 
I often tell her how the month has gone. I've actually made it a principle not to look at my running total until the end of the month. It's about trading well, not making money (for me at least).

When I take a big hit (=loss) I end up "complaining", and she tells me that I'll make it back and reminds me that it's all about probabilities.
 
I think all the comments about "we're friends", "she understands", blah, blah, blah is simply BS. Trading is a job, and like every job, is simply used to pay your bills. Seeing it as anything else is goofy. You're not making the world safer, better or working to cure the common cold.

Then like any job, most spouses dont care as long as their bills get paid, you dont get laid-off and you're not caught at a seedy motel with someone.

My experience has been that its a massive mistake to talk about what you, hopefully, are making. Just give them a broadbrush comment of how its going.
 
Can you give your wife access to your account so she can login and see how you are doing herself? I'm thinking the ideal solution is that she gets the information but its not from you...
 
Thanks to all for the responses. They were very helpful. I talked to her about it yesterday, and she understood and agreed not to ask me during trading hours; although, as I suspected, she said she can generally read my face to tell whether I'm having a good day or not before she asks (I've got to work on my Zen mindfulness). She had a successful career before a pregnancy spent in bed and the birth of our daughter eight months ago. She thinks her mania about money is due to the fact that her current job is running a 24-hour, non-profit dairy bar, and she is no longer financially independent. Anyway, thanks again to all, and good luck to you, Chagi (make your career change before you decide to have kids, and don't forget that she may have aspirations in which she expects you to support her).


Regards,
 
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