Man, you are GOOD! Will update after going through these comments.
FINALLY passed TopstepTrader's Combine!
- Thread starter JamesEM
- Start date
Man, you are GOOD! Will update after going through these comments.
THANK you so much for this message! Genuinely warmed my heart...God, some people are really thoughtful and perceptive
. I'm going to share all in an update after catching up with comments.Here's an update for everyone who has been wondering.
First of all, I want to say a big THANK YOU to wrbtrader and Gotcha for the kind and considerate words (particularly regarding health, more on that later). Those two comments are the only reason why I've returned to post here.
To people like MoneyMatthew and Pekelo, life isn't just about trading and promises. A LOT can happen to someone outside of this arena which can sidetrack even the best laid plans. Please have a heart!
Here are the main points I'd like to address. I'll try to keep it brief, even if one of the topics of discussion is really complicated and serious. If anyone is interested in learning more, I'd be happy to share. If I receive hate, I'll disappear again.
1) I've yet to "go public" with this but, for the benefit of others who may be struggling, I will share that a little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Bi Polar disorder with rapid cycling. For those who don't know, this is one of the most crippling mental illnesses that anyone could get. It has absolutely devastated my existence in every way imaginable. Relationships with family, friends, my children, my partner lost (or under severe strain)...losing my job. Insomnia. Suicidal thoughts and severe depression when 'down', unable to sleep and fiercely agitated/angry when 'up/manic'. I've found myself isolated from everyone in a foreign country (Italy) with a culture that does nothing but provoke me. It's been a struggle to stay alive, let alone post here.
2) I have been posting elsewhere. I've found that the mood is much more supportive through mediums such as the blog and YouTube. Anyone who is interested, can follow what I'm doing there (along with little bits on my personal struggle).
3) The backer WAS real. This was a friend who insisted that we try this together on the back of my recent success. We had an arrangement and I explained the nature of the equity curve, Draw-Down etc. and he appeared to understand. Everything was written down. I kept my side of the agreement, he broke his when he obviously got shaken by the first real DD (which was completely within the realms of normality based on the past 400 trades). He ate the loss and took the money back. He admits that he broke the agreement and that I stuck to my side of it. This has left us on rocky grounds.
4) When God closes a door, he opens a window! The day (Friday the 13th of all days!) that my friend took the account back was a day or two after I learnt about the rule change (abolished 10 Day nonsense in FTP AND the Funded account). I've just started a $30K there and am documenting the journey between YT and the blog.
I am also building another business (e-commerce). To answer the question re: getting a "real" job, it's impossible right now to be among people in that capacity due to my health. Seen as I don't want to just end up in hospital and on social service benefits, I've decided to work in the way that I can. I'm in the process of seeking help, but it's difficult to do without a network of support and very little financial resources.
I should also add that, although I told him about my diagnosis BEFORE he backed me, my friend says he realized that I shouldn't be trading now and that was his reason for taking the funds back.
THERE! That is the truth. I now know the BP was under the surface all these years but it took some acutely stressful events to bring it to the surface - death of two family members on the same day, my father returning in my life after 13 years, the birth of my son amidst extended family problems etc.
PS It's a bit nerve-wracking sharing this but I know that a lot of traders/people have similar struggles and I want to let them know that they are not alone. Go easy on me!
First of all, I want to say a big THANK YOU to wrbtrader and Gotcha for the kind and considerate words (particularly regarding health, more on that later). Those two comments are the only reason why I've returned to post here.
To people like MoneyMatthew and Pekelo, life isn't just about trading and promises. A LOT can happen to someone outside of this arena which can sidetrack even the best laid plans. Please have a heart!
Here are the main points I'd like to address. I'll try to keep it brief, even if one of the topics of discussion is really complicated and serious. If anyone is interested in learning more, I'd be happy to share. If I receive hate, I'll disappear again.
1) I've yet to "go public" with this but, for the benefit of others who may be struggling, I will share that a little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Bi Polar disorder with rapid cycling. For those who don't know, this is one of the most crippling mental illnesses that anyone could get. It has absolutely devastated my existence in every way imaginable. Relationships with family, friends, my children, my partner lost (or under severe strain)...losing my job. Insomnia. Suicidal thoughts and severe depression when 'down', unable to sleep and fiercely agitated/angry when 'up/manic'. I've found myself isolated from everyone in a foreign country (Italy) with a culture that does nothing but provoke me. It's been a struggle to stay alive, let alone post here.
2) I have been posting elsewhere. I've found that the mood is much more supportive through mediums such as the blog and YouTube. Anyone who is interested, can follow what I'm doing there (along with little bits on my personal struggle).
3) The backer WAS real. This was a friend who insisted that we try this together on the back of my recent success. We had an arrangement and I explained the nature of the equity curve, Draw-Down etc. and he appeared to understand. Everything was written down. I kept my side of the agreement, he broke his when he obviously got shaken by the first real DD (which was completely within the realms of normality based on the past 400 trades). He ate the loss and took the money back. He admits that he broke the agreement and that I stuck to my side of it. This has left us on rocky grounds.
4) When God closes a door, he opens a window! The day (Friday the 13th of all days!) that my friend took the account back was a day or two after I learnt about the rule change (abolished 10 Day nonsense in FTP AND the Funded account). I've just started a $30K there and am documenting the journey between YT and the blog.
I am also building another business (e-commerce). To answer the question re: getting a "real" job, it's impossible right now to be among people in that capacity due to my health. Seen as I don't want to just end up in hospital and on social service benefits, I've decided to work in the way that I can. I'm in the process of seeking help, but it's difficult to do without a network of support and very little financial resources.
I should also add that, although I told him about my diagnosis BEFORE he backed me, my friend says he realized that I shouldn't be trading now and that was his reason for taking the funds back.
THERE! That is the truth. I now know the BP was under the surface all these years but it took some acutely stressful events to bring it to the surface - death of two family members on the same day, my father returning in my life after 13 years, the birth of my son amidst extended family problems etc.
PS It's a bit nerve-wracking sharing this but I know that a lot of traders/people have similar struggles and I want to let them know that they are not alone. Go easy on me!
Thanks for this and all the other updating; will be watching with interest - and of course wishing you well. If you can trade under the circumstances you describe, you can trade under any circumstances ...
I'm glad that you are physically alright. Thanks for updating everyone here. I'm sure things will start to get better for you here in the near future.Here's an update for everyone who has been wondering.
First of all, I want to say a big THANK YOU to wrbtrader and Gotcha for the kind and considerate words (particularly regarding health, more on that later). Those two comments are the only reason why I've returned to post here.
To people like MoneyMatthew and Pekelo, life isn't just about trading and promises. A LOT can happen to someone outside of this arena which can sidetrack even the best laid plans. Please have a heart!
Here are the main points I'd like to address. I'll try to keep it brief, even if one of the topics of discussion is really complicated and serious. If anyone is interested in learning more, I'd be happy to share. If I receive hate, I'll disappear again.
1) I've yet to "go public" with this but, for the benefit of others who may be struggling, I will share that a little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Bi Polar disorder with rapid cycling. For those who don't know, this is one of the most crippling mental illnesses that anyone could get. It has absolutely devastated my existence in every way imaginable. Relationships with family, friends, my children, my partner lost (or under severe strain)...losing my job. Insomnia. Suicidal thoughts and severe depression when 'down', unable to sleep and fiercely agitated/angry when 'up/manic'. I've found myself isolated from everyone in a foreign country (Italy) with a culture that does nothing but provoke me. It's been a struggle to stay alive, let alone post here.
2) I have been posting elsewhere. I've found that the mood is much more supportive through mediums such as the blog and YouTube. Anyone who is interested, can follow what I'm doing there (along with little bits on my personal struggle).
3) The backer WAS real. This was a friend who insisted that we try this together on the back of my recent success. We had an arrangement and I explained the nature of the equity curve, Draw-Down etc. and he appeared to understand. Everything was written down. I kept my side of the agreement, he broke his when he obviously got shaken by the first real DD (which was completely within the realms of normality based on the past 400 trades). He ate the loss and took the money back. He admits that he broke the agreement and that I stuck to my side of it. This has left us on rocky grounds.
4) When God closes a door, he opens a window! The day (Friday the 13th of all days!) that my friend took the account back was a day or two after I learnt about the rule change (abolished 10 Day nonsense in FTP AND the Funded account). I've just started a $30K there and am documenting the journey between YT and the blog.
I am also building another business (e-commerce). To answer the question re: getting a "real" job, it's impossible right now to be among people in that capacity due to my health. Seen as I don't want to just end up in hospital and on social service benefits, I've decided to work in the way that I can. I'm in the process of seeking help, but it's difficult to do without a network of support and very little financial resources.
I should also add that, although I told him about my diagnosis BEFORE he backed me, my friend says he realized that I shouldn't be trading now and that was his reason for taking the funds back.
THERE! That is the truth. I now know the BP was under the surface all these years but it took some acutely stressful events to bring it to the surface - death of two family members on the same day, my father returning in my life after 13 years, the birth of my son amidst extended family problems etc.
PS It's a bit nerve-wracking sharing this but I know that a lot of traders/people have similar struggles and I want to let them know that they are not alone. Go easy on me!
Here's an update for everyone who has been wondering.
First of all, I want to say a big THANK YOU to wrbtrader and Gotcha for the kind and considerate words (particularly regarding health, more on that later). Those two comments are the only reason why I've returned to post here.
To people like MoneyMatthew and Pekelo, life isn't just about trading and promises. A LOT can happen to someone outside of this arena which can sidetrack even the best laid plans. Please have a heart!
Here are the main points I'd like to address. I'll try to keep it brief, even if one of the topics of discussion is really complicated and serious. If anyone is interested in learning more, I'd be happy to share. If I receive hate, I'll disappear again.
1) I've yet to "go public" with this but, for the benefit of others who may be struggling, I will share that a little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with Type 2 Bi Polar disorder with rapid cycling. For those who don't know, this is one of the most crippling mental illnesses that anyone could get. It has absolutely devastated my existence in every way imaginable. Relationships with family, friends, my children, my partner lost (or under severe strain)...losing my job. Insomnia. Suicidal thoughts and severe depression when 'down', unable to sleep and fiercely agitated/angry when 'up/manic'. I've found myself isolated from everyone in a foreign country (Italy) with a culture that does nothing but provoke me. It's been a struggle to stay alive, let alone post here.
2) I have been posting elsewhere. I've found that the mood is much more supportive through mediums such as the blog and YouTube. Anyone who is interested, can follow what I'm doing there (along with little bits on my personal struggle).
3) The backer WAS real. This was a friend who insisted that we try this together on the back of my recent success. We had an arrangement and I explained the nature of the equity curve, Draw-Down etc. and he appeared to understand. Everything was written down. I kept my side of the agreement, he broke his when he obviously got shaken by the first real DD (which was completely within the realms of normality based on the past 400 trades). He ate the loss and took the money back. He admits that he broke the agreement and that I stuck to my side of it. This has left us on rocky grounds.
4) When God closes a door, he opens a window! The day (Friday the 13th of all days!) that my friend took the account back was a day or two after I learnt about the rule change (abolished 10 Day nonsense in FTP AND the Funded account). I've just started a $30K there and am documenting the journey between YT and the blog.
I am also building another business (e-commerce). To answer the question re: getting a "real" job, it's impossible right now to be among people in that capacity due to my health. Seen as I don't want to just end up in hospital and on social service benefits, I've decided to work in the way that I can. I'm in the process of seeking help, but it's difficult to do without a network of support and very little financial resources.
I should also add that, although I told him about my diagnosis BEFORE he backed me, my friend says he realized that I shouldn't be trading now and that was his reason for taking the funds back.
THERE! That is the truth. I now know the BP was under the surface all these years but it took some acutely stressful events to bring it to the surface - death of two family members on the same day, my father returning in my life after 13 years, the birth of my son amidst extended family problems etc.
PS It's a bit nerve-wracking sharing this but I know that a lot of traders/people have similar struggles and I want to let them know that they are not alone. Go easy on me!
JamesEM,
May God Bless you and your family. My heart pours for your illness and pray that all goes well. You have a passion for trading and I admire you being a man of professionalism and decency trading. I certainly wish you the best.
I am in the $30K combine as well and its a struggle for me as well. But I remain confident in my journey to successful trading.
God Bless You.
Simple and James are both good people. Best of luck to both of you. I always enjoy reading both your postings.