Fighting Siblings

[LacesOut]

Fuck this is so annoying.
My two boys, aged 13 and 8, are constantly killing each other.

I am one of 4 boys and so i know what brotherly war waging is all about. I happen to be very close to all my bros in adulthood....But during childhood, there were battles. Physical, verbal, etc..

My 8 year old is firecracker. A Shit Disturber.
The 13 year old, who is WAY bigger than the 8, is also capable of setting off his younger brother, but for the most part he keeps to himself quietly...

The elder brother can end any fight with a physical pounding on the younger, but he usually elects not to do that. Instead drawing out the battle of wills until one final slap and the younger one comes crying.

My new take on the whole thing is that when they start fighting, I just leave the room. I won't be a party to this bullshit. I won't intervene, I won't declare good guys or bad guys. YOU SORT IT OUT YOURSELVES.

When I told this to a friend, who is a psychologist, she told me this was a poor way to handle it. And I should be intervening.

Anyone have any thoughts/suggestions on this?

 

[Clubber Lang]

Fuck this is so annoying.
My two boys, aged 13 and 8, are constantly killing each other.

I am one of 4 boys and so i know what brotherly war waging is all about. I happen to be very close to all my bros in adulthood....But during childhood, there were battles. Physical, verbal, etc..

My 8 year old is firecracker. A Shit Disturber.
The 13 year old, who is WAY bigger than the 8, is also capable of setting off his younger brother, but for the most part he keeps to himself quietly...

The elder brother can end any fight with a physical pounding on the younger, but he usually elects not to do that. Instead drawing out the battle of wills until one final slap and the younger one comes crying.

My new take on the whole thing is that when they start fighting, I just leave the room. I won't be a party to this bullshit. I won't intervene, I won't declare good guys or bad guys. YOU SORT IT OUT YOURSELVES.

When I told this to a friend, who is a psychologist, she told me this was a poor way to handle it. And I should be intervening.

Anyone have any thoughts/suggestions on this?

My brother is 10 months 28 days older than me.
I can honestly say that not once did my brother pick on or tease me. But when I was about 9 through 13 I used to antagonize the shit out of him something fierce every so often.
We were basically the same size and nothing ever really came of it (and I was fast as fuck so that helped).

He was always so mellow and put up with my bullshit, except for one time- ONE TIME- he was 14 and hit his growth spurt and I was 13 and he grew like 4 inches and 25lbs in a matter of months.
I was being a pain in the ass for no reason as usual and something snapped. It was like years of rage that exploded like a fucking nuke. Honestly thought he was going to kill me lol.
Needless to say I stopped being a shitty little brother soon after, and he saved me from more than a few beatings in my early teenage years when my mouth took on more than my body could take.

He’s been my best friend my whole life. Always looked out for me and I’ve done the same for him.
Your guys will grown out of this stage soon. Just hope the little guy is still in one piece by the time it happens
Good luck

 

[LacesOut]

HAHA...
Good story...
It's nice when you are close in age...but the gap between these boys tells me that there won't be any Koombaya coming soon. Too different.

 

[jem]

Set limits. let them know you love them and that is why you have to set limits.
Make sure the older ones knows he is not to crush the spirit or personality of the younger one. No punches to the face or places which could do permanent damage. No bats or objects. Transgressions like those should result in serious loss of privileges.

Regular fights and arguments must stay within limits. I believe your limit lines should be consistent but you punishments should not be. And throw in some strict liability punishment where they all are held responsible once in a while.
Once one kids says we should stop because we all might get in trouble they should see that as wise.

Video games have been awesome punishments for my older boys. A weekend or more without video game keeps them in check.

Not sure what you have to do with the 8 year old in terms of sanctions.

HAHA...
Good story...
It's nice when you are close in age...but the gap between these boys tells me that there won't be any Koombaya coming soon. Too different.

 

[RRY16]

Set limits. let them know you love them and that is why you have to set limits.
Make sure the older ones knows he is not to crush the spirit or personality of the younger one. No punches to the face or places which could do permanent damage. No bats or objects. Transgressions like those should result in serious loss of privileges.

Regular fights and arguments must stay within limits. I believe your limit lines should be consistent but you punishments should not be. And throw in some strict liability punishment where they all are held responsible once in a while.
Once one kids says we should stop because we all might get in trouble they should see that as wise.

Video games have been awesome punishments for my older boys. A weekend or more without video game keeps them in check.

Not sure what you have to do with the 8 year old in terms of sanctions.

These are all constructive solutions but the one that works the best is telling them that if they don’t pipe down your taking them to church every Sunday until it stops. Now that’s Scared Straight!

 

[Piptaker]

Fuck this is so annoying.
My two boys, aged 13 and 8, are constantly killing each other.

I am one of 4 boys and so i know what brotherly war waging is all about. I happen to be very close to all my bros in adulthood....But during childhood, there were battles. Physical, verbal, etc..

My 8 year old is firecracker. A Shit Disturber.
The 13 year old, who is WAY bigger than the 8, is also capable of setting off his younger brother, but for the most part he keeps to himself quietly...

The elder brother can end any fight with a physical pounding on the younger, but he usually elects not to do that. Instead drawing out the battle of wills until one final slap and the younger one comes crying.

My new take on the whole thing is that when they start fighting, I just leave the room. I won't be a party to this bullshit. I won't intervene, I won't declare good guys or bad guys. YOU SORT IT OUT YOURSELVES.

When I told this to a friend, who is a psychologist, she told me this was a poor way to handle it. And I should be intervening.

Anyone have any thoughts/suggestions on this?

That's funny I have 3 and 2 of them are like yours, my 8 year old daughter is also a firecracker and 13 year old son is similar, they are both very smart and he isn't as crazy as what she is they can't even do the dishes together without it going nuclear in seconds... I can tell you some out of it stories with these 2 that would have you in stitches......

Anyway back to your issue, even though it's great entertainment you do have to be in some sort of control . Jem has some good ideas so I'll just add something that I've found that works and that is to get to the bottom of the truth of the issue. Who started it, why and it's quite often a cycle of payback. I demanded to be told the truth from them at an early age which was difficult with kids initially but stuck with it and made it as big of a deal as the fighting. I think giving them an understanding of what truth is and demanding it is giving them an essential life skill and is a must for a good parent - kid relationship (bond) especially with them going into the troublesome teenage years and any issues that may arise. If you know your getting the truth from them you can then have their back properly .

 

[elderado]

Well, imma gonna put this right here. Nice.

 

[tango29]

3 boys here about 6 years difference from oldest to youngest. I played referee quite often when they were younger, and now just get them to calm down when the shit hits the fan, like it did when they were together for Christmas. The cool thing is they take care of each other when crap goes bad for one, so I guess they love each other.
Funny one was when a kid in the neighborhood was ripping on the middle son as he is a big kid in every measure, and seems to know he could hurt someone, so holds back. The oldest stepped in and after telling the kid to take a walk and the moron didn't he gave him a shove. He went running to mommy. Mommy confronted me, and in kinder words I told her the kid is an asshole and I support my son 100%, and she is the one that needs to prevent her kid from being a tool. That didn't go over well, but fortunately they moved later that year.