Below the uncensored trades list for today. I went live today and learned many things. As mentioned above I learned first hand what these "emotions" you have all been talking about really mean. I have not felt these emotions in SIM anymore, and that's why I thought it's time to begin my journey into live "emotions". And boy did I have those stupid mother effing son's of bitches all day long. Anybody else every feel completely schizo when they went live? It's very hard following your system live. I learned in SIM. Real money on the line is a completely new ball game. I'm glad I did this...I think... I also learned a few new rules I have to add to my system which would have avoided some trades I took. Obviously, with my free flowing "emotions", not under check, I didn't follow "all" of my rules. I know, thanks.
As stated previously, I didn't want to write this here. But it's good. It's humiliating, and it's time to learn. Or quit. I want to learn. I want to know what to watch out for, and it seems I really need to pay attention to myself for a little bit. I heard of an exercise where you record your thoughts on taking a trade...and replay the recording at day's end. I might do that if this continues to be a problem.
Trade #1: 5.75 points. Made perfect sense, was a perfect trade, however I exited to early. Fear of losing profits drove that. There was no line break according to my rules, and no reason to cover. This trade was put on according to plan also because price was already at brand new lows. Also, the market open FAILED to make or even test new lost in a couple bars, and it looked like LOLR was up. It was. Demand at these prices was in.
Trade #2: 4.25 points. I entered again on a pullback. I entered again, which I should have already been in...still...because the move was still strong and set up was nice. Great move, exited according to plan because of the line break.
Trade #3: -2.5 points. This trade should have never been a long. This is not according to plan, and I believe I was very euphoric at this point. STOP. Honestly? I was euphoric. I just made $200 in 10 minutes. I've never done that before. I work retail at a dead end job, and I have a degree. I'm already a loser. But, I just made 200 dollars in 10 minutes? WOW. Maybe there is something to this trading if one really wants to devote time, effort, consistency, and sweat into this business. I'm AMAZING! F*** YOU market! And so it began...
One loss. No big deal. Trust my system right? Well, it seems I didn't write any rules for euphoric and vengeful emotions. I think I need some. These emotions led me into giving my money back. Wait though...trust the system...go!
Trade #4: Break Even(I missed a nice one. Trade three should have been one bar later and a short...according to plan) Good trade. It immediately went into my favor and came back. It happens. Scratch it and move on. I was ok with this. Although, I was still very euphoric and the market just "had to give me more". Right? I mean, COME ON!
Trade #5: -2.5 points. Price action was clearly undecided here. It dropped a little bit, but the retrace was extremely large. Trade should not have been placed. Keep up people. It was such an emotional day, I'm struggling to recall what I was seeing and feeling when trades were placed.
Trade #6: 2 points. I really didn't want to give away my profit. Fear dictated this play. It was entered according to plan, but it was managed according to my fears. Price came back on me a little bit. It never even reached break even however, and I still exited. I'm sad at myself today. This trade could have easily made 4 if not 6 points.
Trade #7: -1.75points. Failing at trade 6's management, led directly in to trade 7's failure. It is absolutely amazing, how my behavior of a trade influences the rest. I cannot comprehend how the mind connects these things. WOW. At least I recognize that I've had 2 trades today LIVE, that are exited NOT ACCORDING TO PLAN. Will he stick to his plan at least? Good question. We'll see very soon.
AND THE PAIN BEGINS. After failing at trade's 6 and 7, and after giving back many of the points I earned on the first two trades, I began to get angry. I felt angry because I deserved more. The market needs to pay me back. These are bad emotions. I have to learn to be neutral and unbiased. Every outcome is random. My testing has showing certain probabilities over time however. Moving on...the pain...
Trade 7.5: MISSED TRADE: I missed this one because I was angry and not paying attention. I was hitting the desk I think. But there in my plan, if executed well was that monster climb at 1021. Perfect retrace for it too. Line break. Retrace. BOOM. missed. Why? Because I was angry.
I'm not going to sit here and justify why I was right in every one of my trades. I won't. I can't. I was wrong. The sooner I realize it the sooner I learn. I'm learning now.
THE PAIN
Trade 8 -2.25 points: Wanted some of that move I missed. FAIL.
Trade #9: -1.25 points: I SAID I WANTED SOME OF THAT MOVE. FAIL.
Trade #10: -2.75 points: SHIT. I'm following my system!?! Or am I? Where am I again? Is this LIVE?
BREAK TIME> I waited. After this shit it clearly must be CHOP zone, and I clearly don't have a handle on whose buying, selling, or giving away their wheaties.
MORE PAIN
Price is clearly in a range, and I'm clearly trying to play it against my rules.
Trade #11: -1.25 points:
Trade #12: Oh look. I managed a Break Even. Fail.
Trade #13: -3 points: This is where I lost it, and my day went south. I had a lot of thinking to do.
ANALYSIS and SUMMARY
You can do the statistics if you want. It's shit and awful. If I had to analyze today's session and choose three main take aways as I learn to trade live, they would be:
1. Constantly be aware of one's opinion of the market, including one's emotion towards it. Rules should be made for euphoria and for revenge/anger. In other words, I shouldn't trade.
2. Make a specific daily stop loss in reference to my account size. Absolutely no play's after hit, because apparently somethings off. See number 1.
3. Follow the god-damn fucking written and tested plan next to your fucking computer you shit fuck.
Today was brutal. Up 10 or 11 points then down 11 points. From euphoria to total depravity. Oh how will I ever survive....
WORK all day tomorrow, I'll be back Saturday to replay friday, and I'll prep SUnday for next week, because I plan on continuing this live journey starting monday of next week. 10/20 I believe.
riba derchy(sp?)
